Restrictions........... and some public service lists.

Notice - the picture has not a dang thing to do with the post - not exactly. And it was taken some 50 pounds ago. Yay me.

I AM NOT PREACHING - PROMISE.

But in a way it does. See we are fixing food in this picture that is "healthy". That pill bottle contains my blood pressure medication -which at this time has been cut to the lightest dose made and is almost approaching being eliminated.

As I added healthy foods and exercise to my lifestyle - I did not get rid of soft drinks. I simply changed them to the Diet Dr. Pepper variety.

I was exercising regularly for the first time in years and part of that routine was two Ibuprophen tablets before a workout and then some afterwards.

As I have been completely honest about here - I also consumed tequila (and other alcohol) regularly.

Well then, life threw me onto the sidetrip now known as the SURPRISE YOU HAVE KIDNEY CANCER vacation. I lost a kidney and gained some restrictions.

1. only three alcoholic beverages per week - I can have them all in one day or space them out over a week. (the joke is I now make margaritas in a BigGulp cup)

2. No Ibuprophen or Aleve - actually all anti inflammatory meds are to be used very very cautiously. (I can take Tylenol or Acetaminophen based pain meds)

3. No artificial sweeteners. (aspartame, sucralose, saccharin, etc)

Well - jokingly the alcohol was gonna be the biggest issue.

NOPE ------- I read labels ALL THE FOOD LABELS BEFORE I EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING.

Seems artificial sweeteners - which are horrible for your brain - nervous system - kidneys and liver - show up in some of the most unexpected places.

Newsflash - I would do almost anything for a Diet Dr. Pepper.

But in reading labels I found some really bizarre locations - aspartame is in almost every chewing gum out there - Bubble Gum being an exception. Even some ketchup contains aspartame. Yup.

Here is the generic list from the ASPARTAME.ORG website. and no they do not have to be labeled as diet or low calorie to have the product in them - you have to read all that damn timy print to find out.

Breath Mints, Carbonated Soft Drinks, Cereals, Chewing Gum, Flavored Syrups for Coffee, Flavored Water Products, Frozen Ice, Frozen Ice Cream Novelties, Fruit Spreads, Gelatin, Sugar Free, Hard Candies, Ice cream Toppings, Ice Creams, No Sugar Added or Sugar Free, Iced Tea, Powder, Iced Tea, Ready to Drink, Instant Cocoa Mix, Jams & Jellies, Juice Blends, Juice Drinks, Maple Syrups, Meal Replacements, Mousse, No Sugar Added Pies, Non-Carbonated Diet Soft drinks, Nutritional Bars, Powdered Soft Drinks, Protein Nutritional Drinks, Pudding, Soft Candy Chews, Sugar Free Chocolate Syrup, Sugar Free Cookies, Sugar Free Ketchup, Table Top Sweeteners, Vegetable Drinks, Yogurt, Drinkable, Yogurt, Fat Free, Yogurt, Sugar Free

***********************************************************************

SACCHARINE - the original recognized alternative.

shows up in baked goods, diet drinks, ICE CREAM, and of all freaking places ----- TOOTHPASTE.

***********************************************************************

Sucralose (Splenda) - this is made from suger and CHLORINE (you know the same stuff as bleach) In my opinion that really needs no elaborating.

But it may occur in Yogurt, Syrup, Canned Fruit, and Ice Cream.

***********************************************************************

So now you see why the artificial sweeteners are my biggest challenge. I have done reasonably well at eliminating them, and still maintain my weight loss. But I haven't lost any more weight and I really do need to. So I am once again working on my diet and upping my exercise intensity.

******************************************************************************

I do want to add that I know many people who are regular users of these products. I am not saying they are good, bad, or indifferent in their use. (although the FDA does have a daily usage amount listed in the sweetener specifications. ) I am simply saying that they are on my NO list for some reason. So for me -- plain old sugar / corn syrup / honey have become my go to sweeteners and I really believe that used in moderation can cause no weight issues in a healthy person.

I'll keep you updated as I continue my health and weight loss journey.

Much love. (and have a margarita tonight - I know I am)

Teresa

I hope there is some information here that you can use.

Prayer blanket.

Way back in time (March 2010) I started a striped afghan. No method to my madness. I had a big bag of thrifted yarn and needed a new travel project. I grabbed some of that yarn - threw it into a canvas tote and away I went (softball and soccer were the sports of choice at the time.)

Method - crochet a long,long chain. Double crochet until I ran out of the color I was working with. Tie a new color on crochet some more. Repeat.

Now this is not a "pretty" fancy, showplace type of blanket. It is functional and made up of a hodgepodge of the yarns. Short pieces - whole skeins - some was knotted and had to be untangled. There is nothing exceptional or special about it. Just a very useful and purpose filled blanket that will see lots of memory making moments.

I crochet a lot of blankets as gifts. I crochet beanie hats for the homeless. When I am working on those things, I pray - it is mindless and easy crocheting so I can lift my prayers for the one who receives it. As I crocheted on this blanket in the early stages, it had no owner. It was to be one I tossed in the car or grabbed from the back of the sofa. So I prayed for myself and my family.

Can you say eerie prophetic timing?

About 6 inches into this afghan, I began passing blood in my urine, Go back - read the posts from that march date. Kidney stone suspicions quickly became the road trip now known as "SURPRISE - YOU HAVE KIDNEY cancer."

I continued the SURPRISE TOUR. With transfusions, major surgery, missed work, recovery, and there were many hours now spent in my recliner with this blanket. The owner and creator of this blanket now praying fervently for herself. Many times I was praying without even realizing it. If you look at me on facebook - or even read between the lines here - you will find that it seemed like a non ending supply of that dang yarn. Just as I thought I was getting through to the bottom of the pile, I would find another bit of the stuff.

So, I continued on. And I prayed. And others prayed. And the prayers became as real as the blanket piled in my lap when I worked on it. In the moments when I didn't or couldn't pray - I know that many others were. Guess what - those others praying for me were not fancy - showplace kinds of people either. Just a hodgepodge of honest faithful people who's prayer knees get a lot of memorable use.

And April came and went - then May June and July. I returned to work, but at night I was so very tired and I would sit in the chair and add stitches and prayer.

My recovery was predominately uncomplicated. Each appointment with the docs added better news to my outcome. And that bag of yarn kept on having skeins in it.

August brought a committment to finish this dang blanket before I started any major new projects. So I worked hard again - focused on finishing. Guess what - I kept right on praying.

Then my followup scan brought fear again - and tears - and more visits with new docs. More tests. So what did I do in waiting rooms and in those long horrible days while you wait results, I crocheted on this dang blanket and prayed some more.

I used the very last bit of the yarn on this baby on Spetember 14th - watching the 11pm news. I was even a bit surprised when a visit to the yarn stash didn't leave me with more of this two ply yarn. I tied it off - sent my wonderful friend MaryAnn a text message and picture that I had finally finished it and went to bed.

The following morning found me in the Oncologist's office. Without my blanket to work on. (not without a project - just not this blanket) you can read about the great news I got that day here.

I really didn't think about the timing of that blanket until after the fact.

I'm thinking Someone who knows me so very well - knew that I needed my own prayer blanket. In God's impeccable plan for my life, I had made my own prayer blanket.

This blanket saw many hours of prayers. It was theraputic for me to make it. It is already seeing a ton of use (in the picture below, we had spread it and many other things out for the girls to relax on between games). Tonight it will warm my feet as it spreads across the foot of my bed.

All things a handmade blanket would be used for.

But the biggest is thing it will do for me - be a reminder that I was never alone in the darkness of cancer. I had God beside me - friends and family surrounding me - and a serious blanket of prayer softening the journey through that canyon.

I'll wrap that kind of prayer blanket around my shoulders any day.

My name is Teresa - you may know me as MaggieGrace - I am a survivor - You are a blessing to me - my life is beautiful - I do hope you recognize the beauty and blessings in your life too.

Finished .......

I'll will elaborate more on the striped blanket tomorrow. But for today I am super busy at work and celebrating the FINISH of the kidney cancer surprise side trip today.

I took this picture this morning - a filet crochet sign at the check in desk of Northeast Georgia Cancer Care center. I loved this detail.

My Oncologist gave me the lowdown on the future for me. There is a 70% chance that I will have no more cancer. Follow up scans for 5 years (every 6 months). No need for a prevention drug. Watch the cysts in my pelvis - if they grow then deal with them - otherwise just watch 'em.

It is done. On with Teresa's life.


They cheered me out of there. Nurses - staff - patients in the waiting room.

I'm calling that my most successful FINISH - since our word for September is just that.

But I also FINISHED crocheting the striped blanket last night. Got a bit more I want to do to this, but I'm giving you the cell phone picture I snapped this morning.

It is a beautiful day - I have a beautiful life - I do hope you have beautiful in your life too.

Well, Damn ......

Don't forget to leave a comment on yesterday's post to enter my 1000 post giveaway by Friday.

Those are the words I uttered as the doctor told me the result of my scans.

Kidney Function - great

Surgical sight healing - great

Blood sugar - slightly elevated (but I did not fast before the blood draw)

Did we discuss you participating in a study? No.

Would you be interested in a study? Depends.

More on this later. I'm investigating.

The stone in your remaining kidney has to go.

Lithotripsy (sp?) on Friday Sept 3.

Oh - and there is a complex mass on or near your left ovary. Recommendation - pelvic ultrasound and careful follow up with gynecologist. I don't know what it is?

Well, damn - I said.

But I can do situps at bootcamp. Guess that part was good news.

Oh - and the insurance deductible has been met. Guess that is good news too.

Let's get all this dealt with before Dec 31st. Cause I damn sure don't want to come up with 5000.00 at the beginning of next year too.

So - pre op thursday - pelvic ultrasound next tuesday - litho next Friday.

Margaritas tonight -- my house -- I can have three -- but if you guys wanna meet me there - I will mix extra for you.

Struggling.

Well, damn.

THIS IS A BIG DEAL

Today's post is a really big deal. See - this post is number 1000 on the MaggieGraceCreates blog. Considering that I never managed to keep a written journal for more that a couple of months, this number is very impressive to me.

Having said that - I am having a little gifty giveaway. I have a stack of goodness on the table in the studio for a random drawing - I will do the drawing on Friday August 27th. I know there will be an altered clipboard and one of the altered composition books. There's more, but you are kind of at my mercy on what that might just be.

To enter - leave a comment here. I'm not doing all that extra entry stuff so popular right now, like twitter and face book stuff. Just a comment here gets your name in the running.


Yesterday found me struggling seriously with the fatigue, but I did squeeze into the studio late, for some painting of wisdom words. I propped them up to dry and just liked what I saw.



I also completed the medallion crochet for a slightly bigger project I'm working on. I'll be adding this to something else. Love how this turned out.

I get my scan and lab results tomorrow morning, hopefully I'll be here with wonderful news tomorrow.

Have a wonderful day.

GOOD DECISIONS

Again the picture has not one thing to do with the post. I just LIKE it.

Yesterday - I restarted bootcamp. It was a very good decision for me mentally. This journey has been much more mentally challenging than I have admitted to anyone - even myself. I was shutting down. I was retreating into myself. I was heading to a place where I have been before and where I do not want to go again. That place where you go thru the motions but there is no spark. That place where your negative energy drains every ounce of positive in you. I can't say depressed - because it really wasn't that at all.

Today I am tired. The fatigue is very real and very dramatic, but the mental funk that I have been having with it, well it didn't show up today. I do believe the endorphins generated by exercise help keep that fuzz and funk at bay.

I am still fairly quiet - but I am pondering a few things still. And I have the BIG tests on Tuesday. The contrast scans to be sure there is no more cancer floating around. So that's hanging in my brain.

I am going to say something here. I am not doing this to hurt anyone and I apologize if offense is taken. Yes, I am doing great. Yes, this has been a dramatic and traumatic journey. I hide it oh so very well. The mask is the one thing I can put on to protect those around me. See, knowing that I am struggling makes many of my closest very uncomfortable. I understand that, it is hard to watch a loved one struggle in any way. So I hide it and I have my dark moments alone. I don't want people to be uncomfortable. It's easier this way.

Many were there for me - I have been blessed beyond anything I can imagine. I appreciate each and every gesture. Believe me. I know prayers were answered. I felt your support and encouragement. I felt your love. I felt your prayer. I know that even when I felt alone - I really was not alone at all.

Having said that - the tears are behind me right now and hopefully won't be returning.

I got 30 more pounds to lose and there is a pair of blue pants hanging in my closet that made me feel amazingly well dressed at one time. I've turned the dark corner. There is light on my path. I will wear those pants and be back to my old self again really really soon.

MaggieGrace Goodies will return too.

sorry -- went mia again

Seems the summer and return to school for both girls have taken its toll on MaggieGrace goodies. Add in a serious remodel at work (that I am completely OVER insert rolled eyes here) and a room redo for the softball princess and there you have a recipe for some serious lack of maggiegrace time.

Labs yesterday. The first of 4 visits of followup on the "surprise you have kidney cancer" spring party. On Thursday there is a chest XRay. On the 17th, contrast scans of my torso. On the 24th, the actual meeting with the doctors. They know there is a stone in my remaining kidney, and that will require some sort of attention in September. What kind of attention is an unknown right now.





Anyway --- remember these. My 5.00 flea market Fred purchase.

I took them home and promptly slid them under the computer desk. Waiting for time to clean up the lot of them. Well that time presented itself last night. They were also mixed up in the slots which is bothersome to me.

Can you say nastiness and grunge? Along with a couple of 8 legged residents and several 6 legged ones too.

I dumped them on a tray. Okay - I love this picture of them all piled up. Did I say nasty? UGH.

I scrubbed out the box as well as I could - mostly just evicting critters.

Then I took handfuls of the pressed aluminum letters and dropped them in a rubbermade box with soapy water. Shake shake shake - shake your booty - Sing it with me.

That wasn't enough - so scrubbing commenced. I worked on these for almost two hours and only finished about a third of them. More tonight. I am sorting them on my dining room table. But that's ok, my family eats on the sofa (or at the ballfield) most of the time.



I did find a surprise in there - I hope there are more of these kind. I need to be the president, not the VP, of MaggieGraceWorld. One of the girls - or the man - can be second in command.

Have a great afternoon.

I have a beautiful life.

Fatigue......

They warned me about it, but I laughed it off. I'm not like everybody else. I am stronger than that. Stronger physically. Stronger mentally. The adrenal balance in my body is off. It has been 9 weeks since my surgery. In my mind I should be way past this, but today it has me in its ugly grip. Damn. I just want to whine.

For those of you who are moms, think back to a sick baby. Just wants mama, stuffy head and nose means no laying that baby down. So you walk, or rock, or bounce, or whatever it takes to keep baby quiet. Mama is tired - worn out - exhausted.

Now multiply that feeling times at least 10. That is what I am battling. And today - I really wanted to just stay in the bed.

But I didn't - I am at work and fighting thru the day. I have painting to attack.

So I have just a few pictures to share.


Love that Softball Princess found a place to store bouncy balls.

A blinged out "c" going for a late birthday giftie.

A package for a blogger, she just lost a beloved pet. I love using my office supply stamps sets for unusual apps. The address goes here. And because I know someone will ask, the tulip packing tape came from the dollar bins at Michaels.

I added a sticker message to a package.

These last few are from Wednesday night. The Man and I had been to eat. It is the season for afternoon/evening thunderstorms, and one was building. The clouds were really pretty. So I had him ride around to find a view for my picture that did not have power lines in it. (Hello - I'm a blogger - he knows how this works.)

God's majesty revealed in the beauty of a building storm. There was bright blue, pink, yellow, grey. An unbelievable beauty to me.

Then we took off for home. I get him to stop on the side of the road. I jump up in the window ledge for this shot. My house is located in the right hand direction of this picture.

Look at the rain.........

We got almost an inch of rain in about 30 minutes.

I love where I live.

I have a beautiful life.

Dang, I'm tired.

Ruby.........

I know her name is Ruby. It is on the back of the picture. One of many that Very Mary sent me in a loverly little envelope. I wonder what the colors of the outfit really were. But look at her eyes - love them.

An update on the recovery process - i am struggling with what is known as adrenal fatigue. I lost an adrenal gland - there is one on top of each kidney and losing one "upsets the apple cart" in a serious way. By late day I am struggling and it is the kind of tired that you cannot force by willpower through. But last night after a nap I went to the studio and hunkered down for a while. I can't show you what I am working on, its a surprise for a friend so you get scans of old pictures.

Now I adore old pictures. In the past we have even done school projects with "adopted relatives" using old pictures I gather. So when Miss MaryAnn found these - I jumped on them. there are wonderful ones.

And you who are like me and love old pictures can add to your collection too - go to Magpie Mary's etsy shop. She will be adding these picures along, but take a look at all her stuff.

Not only does she have way cool stuff, she is absolutely one of my favorite people on the face of the earth.

Thanks for the pictures my friend. Have a wonderful day everyone.

Much love from my beautiful life.

Looky what I got.

The Man at my Address has been really good to me through this little roadblock. He was at the doctors office when we found out and he stayed night and day at the hospital with me. (He did leave me a few times, but he was really careful who got to stay with me - something that will forever be an inside joke) He has cooked, cleaned, shopped, talked to people about how I was doing. He kept track of food and other stuff that came to the hospital. He did pack my bags and bring stuff to the hospital.

But he did not bring flowers. Not the first time. There were no broad declarations of love and support. No cards. No letters. Not his style at all.

But people, DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR ME. Because in the middle weeks of this recovery, he got home one afternoon with this............

Yup - cubbies for my studio. Now my facebook friends have all seen this, but I missed posting it here. So no don't feel sorry for me, this man knows what I like. And when he discovered this was going to be discarded at work, he snagged it for MaggieGrace world. I think he kinda gets me -- what about you?

SAY FREE!!!!!!! I couldn't really jump and do the happy dance, but I was very very excited.

Look carefully at the other end, that section has been added on. It is now detached and sitting on the top.

As quick as I am fully able, I'll be rearranging the furniture in my house and in the studio, to accomodate this lovely. This is going to really work nicely and I have been looking for one that was affordable. I also have tons of those baby wipe tubs, that will be used for even more storage containers for this. I'll be using ModPodge to dress those containers up.

Speaking of ModPodge, I (specifically my lamp repurpose) was featured on the Mod Podge Rocks facebook page yesterday. Go here, to find lots of linky goodness for crafty peeps.

I am having a slightly better day today - feeling a little stronger. Gonna try to get back to my bootcamp schedule next week. I'm ready for some semblance of normal again.

Have a great day. I have a beautiful life.

Relay for Life.

Friday night was our local Relay for Life event. I have been a relay volunteer/participant for many years now. Following my first brush with Cancer some 14 years ago. But then it was different. I found a lump in my breast - I had it checked - family history dictated my decisions - I had it removed - the cancer found was enough to qualify for the term survivor, but it was tiny - two little cells - not even a cancer they staged. But I suspected what it was, and by the time I knew what it was, I didn't have it anymore.

Fast forward - to last month - I am healthier - I feel great - I have been diligent in followup for the breast cancer. I am eating right and working out. I thought I had a kidney stone, the docs thought it was a stone - I was sent home from the office and from the er with that diagnosis. Then BAM -- the phone call - the trip to the office - the words hung out in the air - hospital --- surgery --- follow up.............recovery

BLINDSIDED. Totally unexpected. Which is probably the case for most people who discover that they have cancer. I am, once again, very fortuate, they say they got it all.

So 4 weeks to the day - I celebrated being a survivor - AGAIN. With way too many others, I walked those laps. With my supportive loved ones, my friends, people I only know casually, I walked. It was a very emotional night for me.

See I walked with the knowledge that I have no treatments to endure. I walked with the knowledge that my life will pretty well continue on its normal course with only a few incoveniences. I walked with the docs assurances that I am now cancer free (again). Many of the people around that track with me don't have that. I am fortunate indeed.

But I walked --- and I bought luminaria for friends. I read my name many times on bags around the track. Thank you for those friends who purchased bags in my name.

I visited with many Friday night. It was fun to celebrate surviving.


Softball Princess - me - The Man at my Address.

It is a victory no one should have to celebrate. But we did. And we smile and we go on. And we push IT to the back of our brain.


Left to Right - Becky Jones, Sandra Dove Smith, me. All of our girls play ball together - we are all survivors.

I am battling IT right now. What is IT, you might ask? FEAR - FEAR - FEAR. See I was being so careful to do my followups, I was eating healthy, I was exercising, I see my docs regularly, I'm doing what you are supposed to do. I always thought I might have breast cancer again, or a metatastic cancer from that. Renal Cell Carcinoma - a totally different and unrelated cancer - found by accident because of a suspected kidney stone. This scares me.

What if there are more? What if they don't see it in time again? What if? What if? What if? And in talking to others about this -- the what if monster haunts their dreams too.

I am not depressed, but I am battling this huge thing right now. I promise this will not become a pity party site - I'll be back to MaggieGrace goodness asap. This blog is about me - about creativity - about life - love - and the pursuit of happiness - about the journey that is. So I share my thoughts here.

Right now I am scared - and nobody can help take that fear away. So I'll do what I did in the past - refuse to give in to FEAR. Because allowing IT to remain so strong will take away the joy of the blessed life I have.

So I am embracing strength and joy. FEAR - YOU DO NOT HAVE A CHANCE.

Y'all have a wonderful day.

A light in the darkness......

Mod Podge and spray paint to the rescue. No money spent today. A completely stash based project.

So - I had these lamps. Cast iron and heavy brass floor lamps. Free lamps. The wiring was damaged, they were in terrible shape. We used them at halloween because they were creepy. And they have been sitting by my kitchen door since then - please don't judge me.


So - I had this little cancer surgery. I'm home and have some serious restrictions on my physical activities. I actually feel sorry for the Man at My Address, he would come home and I was all ready to paint walls and do other stuff, because I was sitting there looking at them ALLLLLLL DAAAAYYYY.

Anyway, I decided that I wanted to convert these two lamps into candoliers or my front porch. Handling the lamps and spray paint cans, mod podge and paper was all within doable. I hobbled to the porch and took the first one apart. YUK. Rust and decay, and spider webs and creepy crawly critters abound. I cut all the wire out and then proceeded to wire brush the individual pieces.

This lamp at one time had a night light in the base. The lens is plastic and cracked. No worries. Check back later in this post to see what I did.

Hammered black spraypaint, with the new trigger sprayer (which I'm really not all that fond of), a couple of coats.

That night light lens - ModPodge - great stuff. I simply covered it completely with a garden themed tissue paper.

The rod cover was horrid, sorry these are out of order, but more tissue and ModPodge to the rescue.

Here's the reassembled base and rod. Happy Girl. But now what to do for candle holders. I wanted something fun. Back to the stash.

Small purple wine glasses glued to ModPodged jars and an inverted vase for the center with a dessert cup.

Still needed "something". Some "bling" So I added sewing hooks to the vase with E6000, and added some drops that were once upon a time part of a candle holder that I broke.


A little bit of an issue with stability on the wine glass assemblies. Think Think Think.

Styrofoam spools - E6000 again glued to the little base cups. The bases (tiny baby food jars) slip right over and the spool makes the assembly stable.

Run assembled lamp outside into the yard after dark last night. Add candles and sit on the steps - wishing I could have a glass of wine or a margarita with this moment.

College Girl came home to find me there - on the kitchen porch steps - candles burning. She joined me there in the dark with that little circle of light. I really can't remember being that relaxed and happy. We talked about being cancer free. She thinks I am the strongest person she knows. I told her how proud I am of her and who she is becoming. She leaves for Spain this afternoon, a Maymester trip with school, I am so proud that she wanted to go and then went to the effort to make it happen.

I have one more of these to make - because it will be a stash project - it will be similar, but different.

This was worth the effort to make - because last night we took the time to talk - to slow down and really talk. I am ready to make my front porch more of a living space, because this current cancer situation has made me more aware of the fact that we all need a time and a place to slow down and relax and really talk to one another.

Have a wonderful day.

More Catching up.....

I had surgery on April 16. I came home from the hospital on April 19. The next weekend was an art event I wanted to attend in Savannah. Needless to say, I did not get to attend.

But my blog buddy - JulieAnn did. We had planned for her to spend some time with me anyway after the event. The event was over on Sunday - she did not fly back until Tuesday. So phone calls were made - apologies raised for the house not being really ready for guests - and JulieAnn came to Comer GA - late on Sunday night - April 25. Yes I allowed a stranger into my house exactly 9 days after losing my left kidney.

Sunday night -late - the softball princess drove us to Athens and met JulieAnn, who then followed us to the middle of nowhere. If she was freaked about how far out we were, she did not let on.

Then on Monday, we spent the morning getting to know each other - JulieAnn is beautiful, smart, funny, and talented. She unpacked all her goodies and I got to live vicariously through all the pretties. Did I mention that the Poca Dog - loved her?


Monday midday - I decided to call my favorite junk haunt in my town - the Hardware Store. We love Steve and his wonderful wife Carol. I wanted to see if we could get upstairs. Think old fashioned store and antiques and stuff upstairs. I really think JulieAnn began to grasp just how small my town is, when Steve started asking about my surgery. But yes we could get upstairs.

So into town I went. Shh. Don't tell the docs. We poked around and explored. Gathered up stuff and to the checkout we went. Well some was not priced, but Steve just pulled a number out of the big blue sky and away we went.


Of course there were buttons and other goodies. I got us a bowl and we poked and picked and laughed and totally enjoyed ourselves. Oh. how much fun. I was so happy she decided to come on even if I was moving very slow and had to nap - a lot.

On Tuesday - we took her back to the interstate - but had some time to spare before she had to leave. This is another SHHHHHHHH story. The Man at my Address insisted that my mom go as a chaperone - to "watch me". Well we went to an antiques store and I found the captains treasure chest of mis-matched silverware. Keep in mind - I have a 12 inch incision that is 10 days old across my abdomen. I couldn't pick the basket up off the floor to go through them, so I did what any self- respecting junker would do. I eased myself to the floor and dumped said baskets out and proceeded to dig through them. My mom - you know the chaperone who was supposed to watch me - did just that. She watched me - mouth ajar - wordless - pale faced - thinking "oh shit" - get in the floor. I bought 12 pair of silver for bracelets for 15 dollars - 24 pieces of silver for 15 dollars - not too shabby.




This is JulieAnn my beautiful friend - she needs a job in research in the Athens area - so she can be closer. My mama loved her - my family loved her and would welcome her back any time. I just wish I had felt better - then we could do some serious junking.

One more note - JulieAnn cut me off some stunning trim. As she was packing thinks up, my mom asked her what she was going to do with her portion of that. Won my mama's heart when she answered - in true creative person style - "look at it". Come on ladies - we all know that answer is the right one don't we.

JulieAnn - please come again really really soon. Love ya.

Long in Coming..........

I think I have written this post a hundred times in my head. It's time to get this on out there. Please bear with me, I want this to be as special as the feelings I am trying to get across.

I grew up poor, not in the no money for food way, but in the every penny was accounted for way. We always had what was needed and planned and saved for what was wanted. The house we lived in had space heaters, but no heat in the bedrooms. I also spent many nights at my grandmother's house with the same kind of heat.

Winter nights were interesting. Back up to the heater to get warm, run to the bed, crawl in the covers and be really still once you got your spot warm. Those covers were not fancy bedspreads with matching sheets, they were basic sheets with handmade quilts and afghans. Those handmade things had weight to them, substance. That feeling stays with me today.



CANCER - what an ugly word. It hangs in the air almost like you can see it. It echoes off the wall - that phrase was from the Man at my Address. It temporarily sucks the breath out of you, especially if it comes as unexpectedly as this did. I went in for a kidney stone - I came out a statistical freak. A second primary cancer. Not everyone gets this priviledge of two completely unrelated occurances.

I called a few friends. I facebooked the series of events. I spoke with my pastor. I turned to my natural weapon - sarcastic humour. I refuse to bow down to it.

Here is where I want the special to come in.

As quick as word hit the the streets and the internet - people responded. People near to me. People far away. Friends, family, total strangers. Churches all over the world prayed for me. The support, the encouragement, the love, the prayers, the blanket of healing fell over me. Almost as if it was tangible. Like I could reach for it and wrap it around me. Like those quilts handmade by my grandmother and mama, on a cold winter night.

I was warm. I was comfortable. I was loved. And in those moments of weakness and darkness my support network became my strength and my light. Not just mine either, my entire family. In the good moments that occured, this blanket of support celebrated. When the fear or pain won the battle and I felt sorry for myself, this blanket wrapped tighter and reassured me that I was not alone.

I'm starting here with recognizing two friends - and so many more for an unexpected act - that still amazes me. MaryAnn and Jen immediately set to work putting together this. Their friends and some of mine are contributing. Overwhelmed does not begin to describe the feelings I have. I do not quite know what to say - except thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank all of you. I have never met either of those ladies face to face, but they both are among the friends I am closest to. The contributors are amazing as well, and the donors too. I wish I could see and hug and thank each one personally, it truely means so much. Again a corner of that blanket that I can pull around me.

My work team at my grown up girl job - has rocked. Being out for some three weeks and no major crisis to come back to.

Melissa - we have been friends for many years now. Our Girls are friends. She has organized food and has called and checked and made sure that I'm ok. A true angel and one day, I might actually grow up and be like her.

Becky - I really don't have words here either. She stayed with my family at the hospital during surgery. She and her husband brought food and encouragement. A text or a phone call. Took the softball princess to her prom dress fitting when I couldn't. And I know that I can call her anytime.

Jones Chapel UMC - they are my extended family. Susan, our pastor, was right there, praying and loving and building the family up. I know that Donald Sartain wore that bandaid with my initials on it. Veronica Reno - called and visited and checked. And the food - nobody goes hungry physically or spiritually in this church.

MCHS, SMACK, and FURY SOFTBALL - who knew when those girls were playing t-ball just how important we all would be to one another. Thank you thank you thank you.

Family - near and far. the distance doesn't separate the heart does it. I love you all so much.

Ellen - email after email of beautiful words. To build me up. My family up. Time taken to care for a virtual stranger. Awe inspiring.

Local Best Friend - hospital visits, home visits, laughter, love, the knowledge that no matter what - you are there - amazes me. Even though you think my hair looks like a frazzled chickens ass. To think that night that I listened to your story would come to the kind of relationship we have - never in a million years. Thank you - and you know I love you too.

Sam's Mom - Jennifer - an unlikely series of events brought us together, but look what we gained. Thank you for everything - for understanding the bad jokes, for contributing to the raffle, for chocolate and even a book I can destroy in the name of art.

JulieAnn - a blog buddy who decided to come stay with me a week after my surgery. I am so glad you did. I enjoyed getting to know you a little better. The poca girl loved you. My mama loved you. I'm looking forward to spending more time with you.

Facebook - Texts - emails - phone calls - blog comments. Read them all - printed most of them - keeping them. Visits - flowers - food - cards - notes. It all mattered. It all still matters.

See that blanket. The squares were made by someone else. I put them together and added material from my stash. I finished this in the doctors office on Tuesday. I have said prayer after prayer of thanksgiving for all of you while I crocheted on this. Thousands of stitches - thousands of prayers - blessings counted. It's colorful - like my cast of characters.

I'm sending this with our mission team to Mexico at the end of this month. I hope that somehow, the blessings in my life (that would be all of you) will somehow spill out for the person who receives this.

I am covered with a tangible prayer blanket. It is beautiful. It is real. It sustained me. I contines to sustain me.

I needed all of you - I thank you so much for responding when I was in need. You have blessed me so much. I will never forget. The smallest of actions - even the prayers lifted I do not know about - they all were there. Woven into the threads of my support blanket. I have it wrapped around me now.

Love you --- Teresa

aka MaggieGrace.

Glimpses of the return...

I am a blogger. Unfortunately I live in the middle of no where. Ask JulieAnn. My laptop has wireless capabilities, but we are still Dial up at the house. I do have several things to share with you from the last few. Now that I am back at work 1/2 days, let's catch up.

Bootcamp saved my life. Everyone - doc included - thinks that a drill we do pulling tires up and down the field via a strap around our waist, may has damaged the tumor and started the bleeding. The amount of blood I was passing was dangerously high (2 units of blood worth) and the CT scans revealed the cancer.

Remove Kidney was the only option and turns out give the best long term prognosis.

I have a twelve in incision across my upper abdomen. Only southern folks will understand this statement (Tipper this is for you). This bad boy itches like a twelve inch chigger bite. Julie Ann wanted to know what a chigger was. The incision cuts through my entire left side trunk muscle structure.

I am so much healthier now than this time last year. 50 pounds lighter and stronger. Been eating better and working out. I have been anxious for approval to return to work and return to exercise. I will not be letting that hard earned better health go wasted.

So being a blogger - I took the Man at my Address to bootcamp with me for my return. Hand him camera and tell him this needed to be documented. He really does not understand, but he did follow instructions.


Left to right Melissa (hiding in the back) Becky, Christie (fearless leader) Me (sporting a lovely white corset), Tanya Tonya Torrie (Tanya is her real name but nobody gets it correct), Jan, and Renee.

The ladies welcomed this poke along right back. This will be a very slow rehab process. I can walk all I want for a couple of weeks. Do some light warmup and stretching and a tiny bit of leg work. I could be up to 6 months before I can do any ab work.

My first outing was two measly laps - then I had to go home and nap.

Because we blog everything - here is a back side view. I have 30 more pounds to lose.

Last night - I walked over a mile and did two 1 minute wall sits. I also did a few step ups on a short retaining wall. It was still a better night than the first night I went last year. My first mile time was 24 minutes and I thought I might die. Last night was 17 minutes and I probably could have done better than that.

Exercise saved my life - in many ways. It feels really good to be moving again.

Today's half day of work has been exhausting. There will be a nap in my afternoon.

Love ya'll - more catch up tomorrow.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

We sing this every Sunday. I have been guilty of singing it without even thinking about it. But today I am pondering those words carefully and what they mean to me and my family.

I am a very blessed woman. Three weeks ago, I felt blessed, but today everything is different. The list of people I need to thank and can never make them understand just how important that they are is unbelievable.

Im uncomfortable, but that means the surgeon got it all.I have a pile of dishes to do, because so many have fed my family.

Blew a hole in all record cell phone and text usage, because so many reached and wrapped their arms around us via their words and calls.

I have learned first hand that people want to and will help each other.

Over the next few days, I'll be here posting blessings and thanksgivings. Starting here with MARYANN AND JEN V. You have no idea how badly I want to hold these women close to my heart, cry tears of love and celebration with them and generally love them back, the way they have loved me in the last few weeks.

And The Man at my Address, who even went to get the prom dress. He has been right there thru all this, from hearing that CANCER word dropped rather casually from the docs mouth, to bringing me one more cup of tea. He has even learned the right tension to put this dang corset on. Thank you so much -

This was scary and quick and I am just now finding my way back, but hey, we are on the way now.

Have a beautiful day - I know that I am.

Don't forget........

I have made this one mine. Last night I sat down and wrote a note in the front of this journal. A note to my friends and family. Not a morbid note at all. See I am fine. Gonna be anyway. I am so very appreciative of every call, every meal, gift, visit, on an on. And, just like everyone else, I say "I'll never forget what you did for me." But I also know that time erases details from our memories. I know that in the next few days, there may be visits or calls or actions that happen without me being fully aware. So I have asked my family to keep this book available for my friends and family - to leave me notes, funnies, whatever. I have added drawings already from my Sunday School kids. I have listed "special angels" who have stepped forward and made things go smoothly. I have printed emails that touched me. (Ellen Kelly - lady you rock.) This will be my touchstone, my reminder of those who helped me carry this challenge. It will be a record of those who danced with me in this particular show. Whatever this book becomes in the next few weeks, starting it and adding the few things I have already added, has shown me just how blessed my family is.

I learned years ago to focus on those blessings, and this will be a fabulous record for those blessings.

Til after this calms down.

Have a wonderful day. ---- Teresa

a finished WIP

And when I looked at this just now, I realized that this is a great phrase to claim this morning.

The Georgia Theatre Art Quilt Project is approaching final call. MaggieGrace has suddenly been sidelined with an unexpected CANCER timeout. Well my surgery is Friday and this needed to be finished just in case, so last night I perched on the sofa (like the Queen that I am) and finished it.

My artists statement includes phrases like repurpose, recycle, mixed media art, explore new ways to use normally toss away materials and I have lots of that stuff. (Most people would call it JUNK)

I took a broken record album - no need for those anymore. and printed a guitar shape and the RISE AGAIN phrase out.


I glued it to the album from the back and cut out the shape with the words attached. I love my dremel. Note - this part has been complete for quite some time. I liked it all black, but then, digging thru the stash, I found some lightweight aluminum and decided to feature the GA. Cut the letters and using old print blocks from my buddy VERY MARY, I textured those letters just a bit.

I printed the Logo from the theatre website and relabeled the album.

What I did last night was sitch down my "light show" fabric, add the studs to the background, and USING some E6000 adhesive, glued the cutout down.

Now - I gotta dig in the boxes to find something I JUST KNOW I HAVE. Years ago, I was given a guitar pick by a guy who had all of his printed "timmy on the bass". Lets say I have had my party years, because I really can't even remember what he looked like. But anyway, I know I kept that and I think it is in a little watch box in the stash somewhere. (Go ahead only you other craft stash people understand that). I want to attach that to the smaller lightshow patch. But the thing can be finished just like it is.

A MaggieGrace update. The stress level is high. The emotion levels are high. The area around me is loaded with land mines. I am positive and upbeat 98% of the time. But approach during that other 2% and the trigger sensitivity is increased. Enter at your own risk. Unfortunately The Man at my Address stepped on one of those this morning. My apology was as immediate as I could do it, but I sure would like to be on the other side of this quickly. I have things to turn over that I do automatically, its hard to remember what they are and who to ask to cover it.

Soccer tonight - pre op tomorrow - surgery prep Thursday - Surgery Friday - Full day from hell Saturday. Anyone interested in switching lives with me right now?

Have a great day --- T

light duty until

eta - Surgery is scheduled on Friday morning. April 16th.


I am at work. STOP ---- THE DOC SAID I COULD.

I cannot lift anything heavier than a coke bottle. I had a few things to tie up. So I am taking care of those. The emergency bleeding is over - so now we will proceed at a little less stressful pace. They will schedule an OR and a team to remove my left kidney.

I will post the date here.

You guys are great. The support from all the world has poured in. I am so appreciative of every comment and every prayer.

Now I shall confess -- MaggieGrace - Teresa - SHE IS SCARED. There - said it - fessed it up - move on.

They are 98% sure this is cancer. A word I refused to bow down to 14 years ago. A word I refuse to bow down to now. Only now I am stronger. Surrounded by better people to support me. While I am sure there are going to be pity party moments in the next few weeks, I know they will pass. Please bear with me.

I will try to post thru the process and will for sure be back as I recover. You may get random posts from those around me. Although I am a little concerned about how giving some people access to this blog could affect what you guys think of me LOL.

Again I thank you for your support -

I hope you guys have a blessed day.

from my hospital bed

I am a blogger. So here we go.

It is quite possible that I have cancer. Kidney cancer. The scans for the stone issue indicate a mass in my left kidney.

I am in the hospital and looking at surgery within a few days.

Needless to say, MaggieGrace goodies may be in short supply.

Please pray.

Running commentary at my facebook. Teresa Atkinson.