well then.......

image from this site made by this beautiful lady 

I had this wonderful, sad, hopeful, reassuring and all other kinds of words post in my head. But then something happened.

This necklace says it all ---- it's what I want for me and for each of you, for those I love, and for those who love me.

I really just want to live a happy life.

Four words.

Filled with so much potential.

Four words.

THANK GOD MY MAMA DIDN'T DO THIS......

I am the oldest child. The one in the middle is my sister, Tracey. (shhh... we can talk about her later) the one on the right is my mama. She's a character.

Smart. She sure is.

Funny. Got that covered.

Inspirational. That too.

Strong --- uh-huh. My daddy was killed in an accident when I was 15. she suddenly found herself on one income with two teenage girls.

I look sooooo much like her. At times I go by my reflection and I literally see her. Those moments are very eerie.

And --- Girls I am so sorry --- but at times my mouth opens and my mama comes out. Ok ladies --- you know you said it ---- "I will NEVER say that to my kids". Then you do and then you remember. And most of the time --- then you smile.

But the one thing about my MAMA I am celebrating today.

SHE DIDN'T KILL ME WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER.

and there were times that was a distinct possibility.



oooh --- I knew EVERYTHING. And, "Bless her Heart", in my world she had to be the dumbest, meanest, most difficult person there was.

Bear with me ---- she is none of those things.

I had a smart mouth, kinda still do. That was punished.

Forge my mama's name on a paper --- NO WAY --- got my butt whipped for that in the third grade. She made a believer outta me.

14 --- wanted to date a 23 year old. Mama --- lets just let that one go for now. I married him, we have two beautiful girls, and they are the very essence of my heart.

Ran out of gas one time. She rescued us, got a friend of hers to open the service station, and then made sure we went by there and filled up after that.

Oh I thought I was slick  but --- I cannot count the number of times I wanted to do something and she said NO. Every single time I went against her will, I got caught. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Got home one night and she asked "just what happened between you and The Man at the Dairy Queen?" damn small town America --- and this was BEFORE cell phones. We had a little (loud) disagreement in the parking lot. Somebody reported it to my mama. Man --- that was some speech. About behaving in public. And how mortifying that phone call was.

Tried the whole "but so&so's mama said she could" ----- she didn't fall for that either.

It snowed one time and they did not cancel school --- the last words out of my mouth were "don't worry mama, I won't wreck your car". Twenty minutes later I'm on a strangers house phone, calling my mama, to get her to get someone to pull same car out of the ditch.

Did I say I had a smart mouth? Still kinda do. Well, that is still reprimanded.

Again --- today I am celebrating the fact that

MY MAMA DIDN'T KILL ME WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER.

Thank you Mama.

And besides ---- just look at how many really great and embarrassing stories you get to tell now.

Mama -- I love you.

I thought.......

When they were little, I thought I might never sleep again. I heard every change in breathing. Each time they turned over.

I did sleep again ---- but, oh my, these two ARE my very breathing.

I watch the car commercial of the little boy asking his dad all the "why" questions and I remember that I thought "WHY DO THEY HAVE TO ASK ALL THESE QUESTIONS?" And I answered them over and over and over.

One is a Chemistry grad student, the other an environmental science major. They are still asking questions ---- many of them way beyond my abilities to provide answers. 

Oh and the toddler years --- they climbed EVERYTHING. I thought I might climb the walls. They ran and danced and twirled and learned. They fell down and got back up. And I thought "how in the world am I going to keep up with them."

And one runs marathons and one is a college level softball player, and there is no way I can keep up with them, but I can cheer them on by my presence, with a text, a phone call. 

Oh the elementary school years --- bringing exposure to other kids and an introduction to independence that mama wasn't sure about at all. And I thought "I sure hope they learn to make good choices in people."

And one volunteers with special olympics and includes ALL kinds of wonderful people in her life and the other has chosen her eternal mate and together they include kids and wonderful adults in their circle of friends. 

Middle school --- wow --- and I thought that they thought that I was the meanest and dumbest mother in the the world. Because ---- well ---- because at sometime during the middle school years the aliens from the Raging Hormones planet abduct your sweet little girls and replace them with these "THINGS". They looked like my girls, but I thought quite often, there is NO WAY that is mine.

And occasionally - one would let me catch a glimpse of who they were struggling to become. And those glimpses --- well those glimpses gave me hope that we might just make it through these years. 

OOOH ---- sixteen, and I thought my heart may just stop on that first solo trip out of the driveway in the car.

And now one jokes about "road rage" and how stupid drivers bother her and the other one is driving home to see me as often as she can.

I thought there would always be shoes by the island in the dining room.

I thought the washing of uniforms would never end.

I thought that ........

I thought that ........

I thought that I would absolutely be bored to death if we had to watch these videos again

grandpa's magical toys part one

grandpa's magical toys part two

grandpa's magical toys part three

grandpa's magical toys part four

I WAS WRONG ----

And I am so glad that so many of these thoughts were never given a real voice.

I do sleep --- there are STILL questions ---- I cannot keep them safe ---- occasionally a bad decision will happen --- I still have worries when they drive out of the driveway --- I haven't tripped over any of their shoes (or backpacks or batbags) in years ---- and the aliens have returned them  ---- and I am more than likely a pretty average mom and not the meanest or the most stupid one on the planet ----

I am still glad that washing and trying to get red mud out of uniforms is a thing of the past.

Oh, and the videos --- I've been watching them and they are not at all boring.

See ---- in this video --- ABBY learned that the HOKEY POKEY IS WHAT IT"S ALL ABOUT.

They grew up --- I'm their mama --- I AM SO PROUD OF WHO THEY ARE

I LOVE YOU MOLLY AND ABBY ---- AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT JUST LIKE TO HEAR IT AGAIN.