I thought.......

When they were little, I thought I might never sleep again. I heard every change in breathing. Each time they turned over.

I did sleep again ---- but, oh my, these two ARE my very breathing.

I watch the car commercial of the little boy asking his dad all the "why" questions and I remember that I thought "WHY DO THEY HAVE TO ASK ALL THESE QUESTIONS?" And I answered them over and over and over.

One is a Chemistry grad student, the other an environmental science major. They are still asking questions ---- many of them way beyond my abilities to provide answers. 

Oh and the toddler years --- they climbed EVERYTHING. I thought I might climb the walls. They ran and danced and twirled and learned. They fell down and got back up. And I thought "how in the world am I going to keep up with them."

And one runs marathons and one is a college level softball player, and there is no way I can keep up with them, but I can cheer them on by my presence, with a text, a phone call. 

Oh the elementary school years --- bringing exposure to other kids and an introduction to independence that mama wasn't sure about at all. And I thought "I sure hope they learn to make good choices in people."

And one volunteers with special olympics and includes ALL kinds of wonderful people in her life and the other has chosen her eternal mate and together they include kids and wonderful adults in their circle of friends. 

Middle school --- wow --- and I thought that they thought that I was the meanest and dumbest mother in the the world. Because ---- well ---- because at sometime during the middle school years the aliens from the Raging Hormones planet abduct your sweet little girls and replace them with these "THINGS". They looked like my girls, but I thought quite often, there is NO WAY that is mine.

And occasionally - one would let me catch a glimpse of who they were struggling to become. And those glimpses --- well those glimpses gave me hope that we might just make it through these years. 

OOOH ---- sixteen, and I thought my heart may just stop on that first solo trip out of the driveway in the car.

And now one jokes about "road rage" and how stupid drivers bother her and the other one is driving home to see me as often as she can.

I thought there would always be shoes by the island in the dining room.

I thought the washing of uniforms would never end.

I thought that ........

I thought that ........

I thought that I would absolutely be bored to death if we had to watch these videos again

grandpa's magical toys part one

grandpa's magical toys part two

grandpa's magical toys part three

grandpa's magical toys part four

I WAS WRONG ----

And I am so glad that so many of these thoughts were never given a real voice.

I do sleep --- there are STILL questions ---- I cannot keep them safe ---- occasionally a bad decision will happen --- I still have worries when they drive out of the driveway --- I haven't tripped over any of their shoes (or backpacks or batbags) in years ---- and the aliens have returned them  ---- and I am more than likely a pretty average mom and not the meanest or the most stupid one on the planet ----

I am still glad that washing and trying to get red mud out of uniforms is a thing of the past.

Oh, and the videos --- I've been watching them and they are not at all boring.

See ---- in this video --- ABBY learned that the HOKEY POKEY IS WHAT IT"S ALL ABOUT.

They grew up --- I'm their mama --- I AM SO PROUD OF WHO THEY ARE

I LOVE YOU MOLLY AND ABBY ---- AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT JUST LIKE TO HEAR IT AGAIN.