Friday, November 12, 2010

Wading in......

this is one of those thinking posts. You are welcome to look at the pretty picture and go on. But I also would love for you to wade on in with me.

I have tons to be grateful for.

I have my job. For now. Like all Americans watching the economy, I am aware that could change.

I have my home. It isn't a huge showplace, but we love it and we are getting to sleep with a roof over our head.

The cars we drive are all paid for - used - high miles - paid for.

I have some debt. It has been bigger and heavier. I has been hard as hell digging out of the hellhole that stupidity and circumstances brought us into. I see progress everyday on getting out of that hole. For that I am grateful.

My girls are healthy and happy and seemingly well adjusted. While we have had our moments, I am blessed that those moments were really easy by comparison to what others deal with.

My mother and The Man's parents are with us. We have lost some we loved. We are planning holiday celebrations that include family and friends. There will be laughter. Maybe a few tears as we remember.
Here is where we dive on in.....

I am alive and well. Everything ain't perfect but I got to see the sun come up this morning.


How can I be happy? How can I have so much joy? Why did cancer not take it all out of me? How did losing Daddy, Nanny, Grandma, Grandpa, Mama Norvan, Nathan, Max and on and on - not destroy me? How does debt not swallow me whole? How is it that fear didn't paralyse me? Wouldn't it be easier not to love? Maybe easier to just sit in the chair and mope?

Because - that sign at the top represents so much.

For one - GOD LOVES ME MORE. Everyday - He gives me what I need?

Two - I LOVE ME MORE. Boy, now that is a self important statement if there ever was one. Not really. I could be that way. Selfish. All about making sure I don't get hurt. But hey - there is no fun in living that way.

I have shared laughter and heartache and fear with family and friends. I have supported them and they have supported me. And hello - I have been crazy happy and inspired in their company.

I look forward to being and sharing and supporting and praying and _____ and ______ and____, with family and friends in the future.

because three - I LOVE YOU MORE. Hiding from happiness and joy, living in fear and expecting the next disaster are just no fun.

Sure the next phone call may be bad news - but it can just as easily be great news or an opportunity to have a ton of giggles and fun.

That is who I am and who I want to continue to be. There are way too many blessings to focus on, and that my friends is exactly what Im gonna do.

The holidays are coming. I'm celebrating the fact that I get to celebrate with my loved ones. We will laugh and spread good cheer. I refuse to give too much credit to all that that almost took it away in April. Sure it was bad news - CANCER - and it was a very big deal. Very few know just how bad it was. How close I came to losing because of it. But I didn't and that alone is worth looking forward instead of looking back.

You gonna celebrate with me? Or sit in the chair and expect the next disaster.

You really do get to choose.

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