I SEE THRU A GLASS DARKLY

http://pinterest.com/pin/195132596327211778/

THIS IS STUNNINGLY GORGEOUS. 

When I saw this picture on Doni Hall's pinterest this morning, I immediately saw the following details ----- It's a dark night --- looking through old glass ---- see the canyon in the front. the trees up on the ridge to the right. The city lights off in the distance. Almost as if looking through a glass darkly. It fits me of late, I have spent hours looking out at the night. 

MaggieGrace goodies are happening. 

MaggieGrace is struggling on a very personal level. More to be said about that when the time is right. Please don't worry it's not a life threatening thing. Just heaviness. And fatigue associated with stresses affects me a lot. Those close to me know about it, but I refuse for that to interfere with loving life. 

MaggieGrace is working hard towards a goal she has had for many many years. 

I am leaning into the MaggieGrace alter ego part of Teresa as a sanity preservation role. 

The good thing is I have lots of MaggieGrace goodness to work with in the stash ---- 

I have several things finished and some things in process. 

I'll be doing a couple of shows in the fall and Christmas season. 

I'll be back next week - hopefully with some pretty pictures of MaggieGrace goodness.

Frustration being resolved.

2010 was a hard year. I work in the construction industry. We all know how that's going even until now. I faced the CANCER demon head on, which resulted in some financial debt increase and some long term health issues that I'm still working through. Of course, I am fully aware of the blessings that also accompanied me through all that. But, I have been frustrated.

I chose ABUNDANCE for my word of the year. I am seriously focusing on what that means to me - IN MY CURRENT SITUATION. One thought that keeps working it's way to the front of my musings - "Teresa, why are you afraid to move ahead?"

I'm going through the series of tests that I'll will be subject to every 6 months for 5 years. Fear accompanies those tests. My facebook status from a day or so ago was that I wondered if there would ever be a day again that CANCER does not cross my mind.

Well, pondering has brought me to a point (several actually) of action. I've been holding my breath, waiting for the next thing. I have fallen prey to the negative form of "what if". Okay so

What if --- I push to do one more lap around the track - well, then my stamina is increasing and I can take a long walk to see the BEAUTY of nature provided by the Master himself. I will have more energy to get through the day. And a healthy body is much more able to handle surprises like last April tossed us.

What if - I write down three random things I am grateful for every day - well, then 45 days into that exercise, I will realize that the laughter of my Softball Princess is one of the most BEAUTIFUL sounds on earth.

What if - I choose to conciously give something (an act or an item) everyday and record that with my daily gratitudes - well, then I will find myself looking for opportunities to DO GOOD - one of the points of this past Sunday's sermon.

What if - I choose to pray for my family in a more specific manner than "Lord, bless my family, care for us, and keep us today." -- well then, prayers like "Lord, let me have a quality moment with each of my children today that I see Your hand in" will lead to phrases like "thank you Mom for helping me figure that out" and "sure me and Barefoot Boy would love to eat dinner with you and Dad."

What if - I choose to write down a tangible and reasonable goal for finishing a task today - well, then the Christmas decor may just make it back into attic storage before June - that was intended to be funny, but there really have been times that that is how long it took.

What if - looking for moments of ABUNDANT BEAUTY, ABUNDANT JOY, ABUNDANT BLESSING, ABUNDANT HAPPINESS, ABUNDANT LAUGHTER, ABUNDANT OPPORTUNITY became the way I approach each day. ------

WELL THEN - THERE IS NOT NEARLY AS MUCH ROOM FOR FEAR OR FRUSTRATION IN THOSE DAYS.

As I seriously focus on these words and the above actions, I can feel frustration and fear resolving themselves to a degree where I can move on and stop holding my breath. Turns out the blue shade my face takes on when I am holding my breath kinda makes me look dead - actually it makes me feel a little dead too.

I'm looking forward again. I'm moving ahead again. It's a good feeling.

I'm expecting moments where I fall backwards on this journey, but I already know that picking myself up and dusting off are abilities that I have. I also know that if I am struggling with that - I have friends who will help me along.

Now for some random things.

I make pecan pies...




I use the recipe off the label of this syrup -- KARO DARK CORN SYRUP.

You know the sticky sweet corn syrup concoction that makes so many things taste so wunnerful.

I bought a bottle on Sunday. I has this note on the label.........

HUH??????? how can Corn Syrup be zero grams of high fructose corn syrup....

Now that's the way my mind works.

1800

Note - Image is a freebie from www.dover.com

As the year end approaches, I always look back and start planning an approach to the new year.

A little later, I'll be posting about my year overall, but last night I was working on coupons and decided to take a look at where that project has led. I started the coupon project shortly before the kidney cancer road trip. As I left the grocery store - department store - service station - etc, I wrote a little note on a tracking sheet in the back of my coupon organizer.

When I paid bills each week, I took the savings from that we and redirected that money towards old debt. (Thank you Dave Ramsey and others for that brilliant idea)

As I ws running the tape last night, I was having an internal conversation about how much work all of the clipping/website checking/planning that it took to do this. And make note as well, I only have done this on a small scale. Was it really worth it?????

Well, I paid off multiple old medical bills. You know, the kind you pay "dollar down and ten dollars a month" as my Nanny would say. I also have a personal loan that was scheduled to be paid off in spring of 2012 - it will now be paid off in late spring 2011.

As I paid off each of those small debts, I then added that payment to the next oldest one. (Again thank you to all of the get out of debt gurus out there) I also made a deliberate decision to add to my savings from each paycheck.

So was it worth it? -- literal terms - 1800.00 and change saved. 6 fewer bill payment checks to write each month. almost a full year ahead of paying off a fairly substantial loan. Money set aside to handle some vehicle emergencies. Time out of work while I recovered and no one went unpaid or delayed on the payment.

Yes my friends - IT WAS FULLY WORTH IT. Wish I had decided to play the game sooner.

The next logical step for me - using the sales and coupons and recipe books to plan meals based on what I have in the pantry and what this weeks best buys are. Let's see if this has an even more dramatic effect. I would like to cut my grocery and household items (cleaning/hygeine) as well as clothing bills per month for our family of four + two boys who are there a whole bunch + two really big dogs to 500.00 instead of the almost 700.00 I spend now. I would also like to cut the WASTE - that gets tossed at my house.

I shop at Bi-Lo in my hometown and Dollar General, CVS, and RiteAID as well as the standard big box stores.

In addition to the websites for the above, here are my other favorite websites that I faithfully check daily. (I subscribe to them either through facebook, email, or google reader)

www.coupons.com
www.hiptosave.com
www.thefrugalgirls.com

I hope you found this to be encouraging.

Please share any tips/tricks you have for the saving money lifestyle.

I have an absolutely blessing filled life.

Just Like Me

note - picture is from here.

MaryAnn gave me the word - Grace - for December. I am going to try and do a better job of posting again. Why? Because regular posting makes me more accountable and aware of my life.

This post kept me thinking way into last night. Grace according to one of Websters definition is to adorn. Well this post covers adornments - the kind that is spelled JEWELRY - KINDA.

I had a customer early yesterday morning. She met her plumber at the store. She was a very attractive lady. Slightly older than I am. Well dressed. I knew her family - she comes from what we would refer to as "old money." The kind of money that is not seriously affected by the current state of the economy.

Oh my, and she was wonderfully pleasant to work with. Thoughtful. Easy. Trusted me as the expert in what I was doing. She is replacing a few things in her home.

As we finished her selections, I commented on her ring. Honestly, it was stunning and I had noticed it immediately when she came in.

How can I title this post "JUST LIKE ME" you might ask yourself.

Well that simple comment of "your ring is so interesting" caused her face to light up. She began to tell me about the ring and other pieces of jewelry she was wearing. She was excited about sharing the stories behind it. Again you might ask the question "JUST LIKE ME?"

She was not bragging about the cost of anything she had on - although it was fine jewelry. See, my customer and her family just closed an old family business. And this beautiful, thoughful, sincere lady was starting over in her new and more authentic life. He family operated a jewelry store here for many years. She was in sales for fine jewelry. Again I say, she was not bragging.

My customer and now a new found friend - walked away from that family business and is now designing fine jewelry. The ring I commented on was her very first newly designed and brought onto the market ring. She was excited by my noticing. She told her story with enthusiasm. She shared her fears that no one would "get" her designs. She shared her uncertainty about moving on at this point in her life into a new vocation. She sounded JUST LIKE ME. In that moment God showed me that money means nothing, things mean nothing, status means nothing. Deep down where it really all matters is where I found my new friend. Someone who is JUST LIKE ME.

It affirms me when I get compliments on my creations. I do not hesitate to share the story. I have openly shared the challenges of my life. My creations are so far from the price point of what my customer is doing, but the heart and soul of each piece is so very much the same.

And that my friends - make my new found friend very much - JUST LIKE ME.

Grace is also defined as a pleasing quality. I got to see that side of my new friend.

All that GRACE found me a new friend.

Pretty cool I'm thinking.

Wading in......

this is one of those thinking posts. You are welcome to look at the pretty picture and go on. But I also would love for you to wade on in with me.

I have tons to be grateful for.

I have my job. For now. Like all Americans watching the economy, I am aware that could change.

I have my home. It isn't a huge showplace, but we love it and we are getting to sleep with a roof over our head.

The cars we drive are all paid for - used - high miles - paid for.

I have some debt. It has been bigger and heavier. I has been hard as hell digging out of the hellhole that stupidity and circumstances brought us into. I see progress everyday on getting out of that hole. For that I am grateful.

My girls are healthy and happy and seemingly well adjusted. While we have had our moments, I am blessed that those moments were really easy by comparison to what others deal with.

My mother and The Man's parents are with us. We have lost some we loved. We are planning holiday celebrations that include family and friends. There will be laughter. Maybe a few tears as we remember.

Here is where we dive on in.....

I am alive and well. Everything ain't perfect but I got to see the sun come up this morning.

Ready?????

How can I be happy? How can I have so much joy? Why did cancer not take it all out of me? How did losing Daddy, Nanny, Grandma, Grandpa, Mama Norvan, Nathan, Max and on and on - not destroy me? How does debt not swallow me whole? How is it that fear didn't paralyse me? Wouldn't it be easier not to love? Maybe easier to just sit in the chair and mope?

Because - that sign at the top represents so much.

For one - GOD LOVES ME MORE. Everyday - He gives me what I need?

Two - I LOVE ME MORE. Boy, now that is a self important statement if there ever was one. Not really. I could be that way. Selfish. All about making sure I don't get hurt. But hey - there is no fun in living that way.

I have shared laughter and heartache and fear with family and friends. I have supported them and they have supported me. And hello - I have been crazy happy and inspired in their company.

I look forward to being and sharing and supporting and praying and _____ and ______ and____, with family and friends in the future.

because three - I LOVE YOU MORE. Hiding from happiness and joy, living in fear and expecting the next disaster are just no fun.

Sure the next phone call may be bad news - but it can just as easily be great news or an opportunity to have a ton of giggles and fun.

That is who I am and who I want to continue to be. There are way too many blessings to focus on, and that my friends is exactly what Im gonna do.

The holidays are coming. I'm celebrating the fact that I get to celebrate with my loved ones. We will laugh and spread good cheer. I refuse to give too much credit to all that that almost took it away in April. Sure it was bad news - CANCER - and it was a very big deal. Very few know just how bad it was. How close I came to losing because of it. But I didn't and that alone is worth looking forward instead of looking back.

You gonna celebrate with me? Or sit in the chair and expect the next disaster.

You really do get to choose.

Where I am

For months I have been thinking "WHERE AM I?" I was reeling. Going through the motions. Struggling. Wondering if the next phone call would be bad news "again". Wondering if I would wake up more fatigued than when I went to bed. Going through the motions of everyday, but not quite fully engaged. Not really having "poor pitiful me", but allowing the bad days to even partially cloud the decent ones.

At some point in the last few weeks - in a sudden corner rounding - that all changed.

Since you can't see the wrinkles on my face and all the gray in my hair in the above picture, the tall skinny one is my daughter. Yes - and holding my daughters hand is such a rare treat. Needing to hold her hand all the time is behind us.

Well - all this other is behind me too. The diagnosis. The surgery. The worst of the recovery.

"What if" and "might be" are thoughts in my mind, but there are no guarantees that that will even happen.

So there you have it. All my ponderings have led me to rephrase the line into "this is WHERE I AM."

This is what I can do today. Tomorrow may be different. This is how I feel today. Tomorrow might be different. Yesterday really doesn't matter.

I found myself right back where I like to live. I found myself appreciating right now. I found myself focusing on the next task at hand - while planning on the next one after that. No really long term "what if" "someday" or "this might". I plan for a stable future - I live in the right now.

All the pondering has left me smack dab in the middle of HAPPILY TODAY.

HAPPILY TODAY - It is where I am - and it's a damn good place to be.

So - where are you?

BECAUSE.......

Sometimes just being together is enough..........

Companionable silence. Two friends in a space together. No conversation. Each engrossed in their own activity. Still a closeness. An intimacy.

I saw these two nestled shells alone on a stretch of sand. Tybee is not really a great beach for lots of shells. Sand sand and more sand. I loved the way these two represented my thoughts about my oldest daughter and I. We got up early on Sunday and walked the beach - watching sunrise and the tide pulling out. There was very little conversation between us and yet I felt incredibly close to her and blessed by her beautiful presence. She will be 20 this summer - I realize how different things are becoming as they approach adulthood. I was basking in the true beauty of a family weekend, because I know there will be fewer of these kinds of trips where we all are together.

It was a wonderful trip.

I have a beautiful life.

Contemplating something really stupid.

I have this picture in my inspiration book. I actually have several versions of crochet trim pictures in my books.

I crochet a lot. It takes time, but it also is relaxing.

I have also been on drugs. Pain meds, for the nerve pains around my incision. You know, the 12 inch monster across my abdomen.

Well the drugs have most likely induced the following project idea.

See the very first picture is stash. Lustersheen yarn stash. Free lustersheen yarn stash. And the orange and purple is already allocated for a project. But the other, those soft neutral, most definitely me colored skeins, 19 of them, has no such calling.

I was looking through my inspiration books, I had taken percocet, it was late, I was in make my living room over mode,and I had a brainstorm.......

I can take my wallpaper border down, repaint these walls, and put up some crochet trim.

Looking back on this today I realize how stupid this idea is. I think.

Because I am taking about 1375 inches of 9 to 12 in wide trim. Yes 114 linear feet of the stuff.

Somebody please bring me back to reality -------- confirm that this idea is CRAZY. Certifiably crazy.

I am painting at work. I love my wall color. More than likely I will use it at home.

Pittsburg Paint --- french grey linen walls and walnut grove trim.

I have a beautiful life. I want a beautiful home.

happily ever after........

Almost every fairy tale has a beautiful princess, a handsome prince or knight in shining armor, and they live happily ever after. That phrase echoed in my brain after something someone said to me in the last few weeks.

And so I pondered and pondered the idea. I decided that happily ever after is a little too broad and unattainable feeling to me. I was stunned by my diagnosis, but the surprise element to the cancer word has had me work on my perspective a lot. Plus I had couch time and bed time and porch time where I could sit still and really think about this.

What is happy? Am I happy? What can I change that will make me more happy? Is happy attainable? For me? For anyone else?

Deep ponderings......scary ponderings...... ponderings that require action.

So I decided - to look at it every day. Not in the happily ever after broad sense of the word, but in HAPPILY TODAY. That feels much better to me. I can make that fit. If something goes seriously wrong, and everyone knows it will, it won't ruin ever after, it just affects today. Guess what? This is exactly the same thing as take it one day at a time, it just feels different to be focused on happily today. If I can string a series of happily todays in sequence, I reach happily this week, then happily this month, and so on. Then the glitches don't feel so heavy either.

So that is where I landed in my ponderings. Yup, I am quite happy. I can decide to change things that will add to my happiness as opportunities come along. For me, happy is about accepting exectly what is happening right now. Keeping that perspective will continue to add happiness to each day.

Did anything change? Nope - still got bills. Still have a Man that sometimes makes me nuts. Teenage girls - check on that too. Medical issues - all of that. But I AM VERY HAPPY. TODAY.

Now for pictures of details that I have noticed that make me happy.


Jen's Garland. Going to do my own version in fabric for the porch. Think about prayer flags. Dominique Browning says it best so I am copying this from her new blog -- SLOW LOVE LIFE

"prayer flags do not actually carry prayers to gods. They are used to promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom.Tibetans believe the prayers and mantras will be blown by the wind to spread good will to everyone. The prayers of a flag become a permanent part of the universe as the images fade from exposure to the elements. Just as life moves on and is replaced by new life, Tibetans renew their hopes for the world by continually mounting new flags alongside the old. This act symbolizes a welcoming of life changes and an acknowledgement that all beings are part of a great ongoing cycle."

Gonna hang banners.

This little detail - We could have simply hung the spare key. But this is a tiny little detail image on my key rack. Took seconds, makes me smile. Those few seconds were not wasted. Take the time to add those touches -

I'll be doing some more work at my house. I am not waiting for happily can afford a new kitchen someday. I'm going with can happily change the pot rack today. Look out - there will be DIY coming over the weekend.

I spent Saturday with my mom - digging thru bins of fabric just like this one. We chatted easily - a love of fabric being very common ground. We also shopped for a new dress for me. I am 45 years old and one of the dresses I tried on showed some cleavage. My mother - always the mother - informed me that I needed to skip that since it showed way more boob than SHE was comfortable with. Even that made me happy - I have my mom still and there was no breakdown in that communication at all. HAPPILY TODAY.

Look at it from the two angles - can we reach happily ever after - or should we all focus on Happily today?

I have a beautiful life ---

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

We sing this every Sunday. I have been guilty of singing it without even thinking about it. But today I am pondering those words carefully and what they mean to me and my family.

I am a very blessed woman. Three weeks ago, I felt blessed, but today everything is different. The list of people I need to thank and can never make them understand just how important that they are is unbelievable.

Im uncomfortable, but that means the surgeon got it all.I have a pile of dishes to do, because so many have fed my family.

Blew a hole in all record cell phone and text usage, because so many reached and wrapped their arms around us via their words and calls.

I have learned first hand that people want to and will help each other.

Over the next few days, I'll be here posting blessings and thanksgivings. Starting here with MARYANN AND JEN V. You have no idea how badly I want to hold these women close to my heart, cry tears of love and celebration with them and generally love them back, the way they have loved me in the last few weeks.

And The Man at my Address, who even went to get the prom dress. He has been right there thru all this, from hearing that CANCER word dropped rather casually from the docs mouth, to bringing me one more cup of tea. He has even learned the right tension to put this dang corset on. Thank you so much -

This was scary and quick and I am just now finding my way back, but hey, we are on the way now.

Have a beautiful day - I know that I am.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Cell phone picture snapped during the happy dance last night.

Those yellow roses were on my door steps yesterday with a card that says....

"To celebrate you, 50lbs lighter, and to bring some sunshine into your day to take away the pain:) Love, Me"

Oh ME - I love you and your gesture of kindness and friendship has just blown me away.

I did celebrate - I danced - I giggled - I am so blessed and I recognize that.

Oh ME - did I already say that I love you.

(Besides all that the flowers did for me. Have to say a large part of the celebration was over the look on the Man at my Address face. :) LOL)

I hope your days are full of fabulous surprises.

Stress...

Picture from the Ruffled Wedding Blog.

I'm tired. The stress of money is real in the construction industry.

LBF has been sick sick sick with the flu and I have been worried.

Planning for a trip to Spain for the College Girl. I am excited for her, but fear is an underlying emotion.

I look at my work schedule, my real world schedule, and my life seems to be just whizzing by from activity to activity.

I want (no - I need) a vacation, but that won't happen in any year in the near future.

Prayer needs for people I care about come far too frequently to my inbox.

My creative MOJO is somewhat absent. I keep crocheting in an effort to just be doing something. Its mindless and I can contemplate my pity party while I do it.

A back rub would go such a long way.

Someone noticing the effort I have put toward making things run smoothly at home would be nice.

Going a full week without someone saying "I need money" from me would be nice.

A real conversation that does not start with "what's for dinner?" "when you go to the grocery store I need" or "there's a ballgame this weekend." would be such a wonderful thing.

I have too many takers and not enough givers in my life right now.

What if the girls go away and I find myself right where I fear I will be? Living in silence - except for the little voices in my head - for the rest of my life.

I am running low on reserves from giving to too many people.

I want to find a picnic in the woods laid out by someone else. All I have to do is relax and enjoy myself. Eat - drink a little. REST. (see picture at top of post.)

Did I mention that I am tired?

Sorry -- pity party today. I'll be better tomorrow.

Exposure

No picture with this one. I have been trying to figure out just how to put this into words. Nothing is wrong - so please don't panic. This is about weight loss, health, and body image.

Count your blessings that you were not here on Thursday night. Why? Because I was frustrated and irritable after BootCamp. I have been open about the entire journey to regain my health and this is no different. The reason for the frustration, my full length mirror.

It was goal assessment time. The assignment - assess how you have done on the goals we already set and really study your body and performance in order to set a new goal structure.

I have been successful. Mile time down, more sit ups, more push ups, stronger every workout. Making pretty good decisions about food. Lost 37 pounds. Down from a size 20 to a 16 and some 14's. Sounds great.

Standing in front of the mirror, instead of seeing all of that, I was suddenly overwhelmed with how much more I had to go. All I could see was the fat legs, the roll of flab still across my stomach, the batwings that I have on the back of my arms, the muffin top around my hips. I cried. I cussed. I was completey unprepared for my reaction. In other words, my demons woke up.

And that has been bothering me. I try so hard to be upbeat. It is unbelievable how much progress I have made. My clothes fit better. I feel better. I am stronger. More fit. I couldn't believe the sudden feeling of depression and almost desperation that I was facing.

So I gave myself the time to deal with this -- I gave myself two hours to have a pity party. No food allowed though. I drank a margarita and sat on my fairly large sized A&& and watched really bad tv. Then after the allotted time, I went to my closet. I tried on skirts that used to be too small and some that are still a little tight. I tried on my favorite blue pants. Then I set new goals.

I can fasten the pants - new goal - WEAR THEM COMFORTABLY.

I can do 15 standard pushups - new goal - 25 STANDARD PUSHUPS

I can easily do 25 situps - new goal - 50 SITUPS

My new mile time goal 11 minutes 30 seconds.

Food goals - make more good decisions than bad ones.

Notice - not one weight goal. During the pity party, I reaquainted myself with the idea that the number on the scale is not the important number. The weight loss is occurring, but is not the primary goal. Being fit and healthy is the goal. Making good food choices is the goal. Relearning to make good choices in my habits is the goal.

Why did I share this? Because the frustrations occur for everyone. Because the mirror feels unfriendly to eveyone at times. Because it seems like you will never make it at times. Because steps backwards happen. Because chocolate or bread or soda or potato chips will sometimes win. Because Because Because.

Mostly because I want you to feel normal. I want you to know that because you had a bad day, does not mean you failed. Get up again tomorrow and start again. I want you to know that the next time the mirror may be more friendly feeling.

I can do this. You can do this. We can be healthy again.

On last goal that I did not state because it scares me. I want to run a 5k this spring. Why -- not a clue -- I hate running -- but it seems like a challenge and I do like a challenge.

You guys are so encouraging. I hope you are not bored with the weight loss stuff. MaggieGrace is about my life and this is a fairly large and important part of it right now. I really do want to be encouraging to you.

Have a wonderful weekend.

What the ????????

Note -the picture has not one thing to do with the post. Hurry to Michaels ya'll - that is patterned packing tape - 1.00 per roll. Yummy. And the little frames - 1.00 each at Dollar General with the Valentine stuff. I'll be using them on journals - I just picked them up so the pics in the frames are those generic ones.

Now - this is a random post that contains NO MaggieGrace goodness.

Last night was the church talent show. One act was absolutely amazing. My friend Melody is taking a HulaHoop performance class at a local studio and performed a routine. OMG - graceful - sensual - beautiful - stunning. Softball Princess, the Man at my Address, and I were still discussing it this morning. Has me investigating the next beginner class.

There's no MaggieGrace goodness because cleaning and purging things like old magazines and paperback books is my focus right now. I just know there is no reason to take pictures of that activity. I grab a stack of magazines (the throwaway kind) not the ones you keep forever like Victoria and Home Companion, and go through them tearing pages and pictures. Instead of piling all of those in a box to deal with later, I am gluing them into my notebooks and making notes to myself on them. Chunk the remainder in the recycling bin. It is taking a while, but I like how the cleanup is progressing.

I said something that took me completely by surprise last night. I proclaimed that "I love bootcamp". Holy -- did I just say that? WTF???? Just how did that happen?

Every vehicle in our possession has been to the shop in the last two weeks. Dang - that has hurt the checkbook - no fun money in the budget. Oh well - we will build up reserves again. I absolutely hate living from paycheck to paycheck. The great news - we have dug out of massive amounts of credit card debt in the past. All of these vehicles are paid for, so even with repair bills, the expense is not as much as one car payment would be. We may be living from paycheck to paycheck, but our debt ratio is very very small.

I am also finding some things out about perspective. I am having some friends over for a craft day in February. I am noticing things about my home by looking at it from a slightly different perspective. There are things I could go into debt and get fixed before the event, but I won't. I am hoping my friends will cut me some slack.

For instance - the bathroom floor vinyl is torn in a few places. Not going to be fixed until I can afford the tile I want. But you know, that spot by the sink is where we all stand to brush our teeth. Hundreds of morning conversations with me and the girls happened right there as we tried not to spit toothpaste on each other. That memory is priceless to me.

Same for a spot behind the door - only it is that new puppy's doing. Am I sorry we brought her home -- no way. She has caused a few issues and torn up some things, but she is there for the duration.

Go ahead - look around your house. Find a problem - my house has hundreds. Now think about how that problem happened. See if you can find a positive twist on it. Dirty stovetop = many dinners for your loved ones. Dishes in the sink = same thing. Thumbtack holes in the walls = notes and special memorablia that someone found worthy of saving. Scratches on the coffee table = someone was comfortable enough in your home to prop their feet up and stay awhile. Try my little game at your house.

NOW - try it at someone elses house. That's a little harder isn't it. Easier to look at the stuff as FLAWS. As maybe they don't care about their things. Easier to think "they should fix that" when you may not know the whole story. Me - I rarely think about my friends home having any kind of flaw. I focus on them and the time we are having together. Makes for a much more pleasnat life.

Am I going to keep people out of my home because it is not perfect? Am I going to keep people out of my life because I am not perfect? NO - I will welcome them with open arms and hope the are comfy in my home and feel loved by this imperfect person the I am.

These are my ponderings and the results of them right now.

In all of this I have come to one huge conclusion. We don't have much money, a great big decorator showplace home, drive fancy cars, take fabulous vacations and yet I can say with complete honesty -- I AM HAPPY. I ALSO ONE FABULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL LIFE.

anyone else wanna say WOW!

WOW 2010 ---

Welcome to 2010. My Christmas and New Years was very low key. I was slightly sick -- of the cold kind through both holidays. Lots of sleep and couch lounging.

I do have just a few things to capture here.

The centerpiece above was one of my accomplishments. For a baby shower. Then I took the arrangement to the nursing home. I should do that more often. I did not give my name or association, just dropped it off at the nurses desk and told them how much I appreciate what they do for the residents. Many of our church members are there. Many have gone through there. It is thankless work in a lot of cases. The smiles I received were well worth the effort it took.

Now I want to celebrate just a few things.

New Years Day - my mama was at the house. I cooked the traditional meal. A first for me. It was all really good. College Girl was there - her boyfriend - all of us. At one time I found my mama on the sofa loving on the dog. That made me happy. We spent the 2nd half of last year in stormy seas and I really enjoyed having her there. We will work all this out (again). It's the right thing to do.

When she got ready to leave and opened the kitchen door, we discovered road kill. On the porch. That same lovable puppy had taken the time and multiple trips from somewhere to grace me with one decaying possum carcass as her prize for the day. Loving that cleanup job. YEAH.

I crocheted - napped - crocheted some more - watched a football game (or twelve). Amelia's baby blanket is finished and I started another one for a friend.

Speaking of friends. I got a text message on Saturday night - simply stating "LOOK AT THE MOON" -- it is wonderful to have friends and family who recognize the splendor of God's creation. A crisp, clear, COLD, night and the moon was spectacular. We were in a restaurant when I got the text and the Man at my Address never blinked when I jumped up - grabbed my coat - and escaped to see the display. He also commented that this would be blogged. Score.

Now - about blogging. I have a new (maybe) ANONYMOUS commentor. There are new comments on many of my posts and I would love to know who this is. Please drop your name in a comment or email me with you info. (you can find my email by clicking on my profile).

I am looking forward to 2010 with excited anticipation. My health is better, my emotions are better, my goals are attainable. It's a good thing.

I really want to thank Susan Young for something that happen yesterday at church. I have shared here the information about my sister's mid life crisis. Well there was money involved on my part and I said that my "emergency funds" had not recovered from that. In the discussion that followed, it was brought to my attention that maybe it was really me who had not recovered. That maybe my anger was holding me back from moving on. I think she's right. I have wonderful, kind, loving friends and I thank her for being wise in her manner of discussing this with me.

Sorry this is so rambling. I do hope you all have a wonderful start of the New Year. Here's to recognizing your blessings, trying to bless others, and sharing your creative spirits. Let's have the best year ever.

You know - I have a beautiful life.

New Years Eve

Wow. The true end of the year. A wonderful new calendar awaits us. Mine is no longer blank. It is marked with birthdays and anniversaries. Workouts are already on there. Even a MaggieGrace item or two are there. There are notes about bills to pay. And even a note about moving College Girl from one dorm to another. Still - a year of promise lies ahead.

We don't do resolutions. Besides - I am already participating in the traditional classic one - eat right and exercise. So no need for that one.

What I do try and do each year is set a focus. 2009 was to make MaggieGrace more public. I have spent the last several weeks pondering what my focus would be.

Here we go ----

2010 FOCUS FOR MAGGIEGRACE AND FAMILY

THE INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR OF OUR HOUSE WILL BE PRIMARY. Softball Princess has been wanting to redo her room for a while. She actually got Home Depot gift cards from Santa to apply in that direction. So her room will be the first priority. There will be paint and spit shining all through the house. I have a ton of goodies tucked into the barn to be reahbbed into our living arangement.

TAKE MAGGIEGRACECREATES TO THE NEXT LEVEL. Lay terms here. Try and make more money from MaggieGrace goodies than I spend. Profit. Sounds really good to the man at my address.

Two focus statements that are oh so broad, but hold so much promise. I am excited about both of them.

How about you? What are you choosing for the New Year?

What ever it is - I bid you a safe and happy season.

Teresa

2009 the year winds down

Navajo prayer
Originally uploaded by maggiegracecreates

The picture is from my flickr page. It is one of the pages from my friend Becky's book of encouragment.

As the year ends, I always go back through my posts and grab a few that strike me as worthy of revisiting. I am not doing the links here on the dates. Why - you ask? Most of this is for me to have all this together. You are more than welcome to go back and read in detail. I am adding the post dates to make this fairly easy to find in the archives.

JANUARY

I made MaggieGraceCreates a priority. To make my "alter ego" more publicly visable.

Finished my first crocheted garment ( Jan 6th)

FEBRUARY

I had my oldest child throw me a curve ball in life. (Feb 16th)

A lovely little one joined her family. (Feb 5th)

The blonde Softball Princess became a redhead (Feb 9th)

MARCH

I celebrated an old couple I did not know. (March 24th)

A snowstorm shut the area down. (March 3rd)

APRIL

Prepared to attend my fir art workshop ever. (April 27th)

MAY (A MONTH OF SERIOUS LIFE CHANGES)

Attended that first art workshop (May 18th)

JUNE

Started on the path to regaining my health (June 23rd)

JULY

Committed to participate in my first Art Market (July 24th)

Started the overhaul of the old homeplace (July 20th)

Softball Princess turned 16 (July 9th)

My sister lost her mind. (July 6th)

Celebrated my 44th birthday. (July 14th)

AUGUST

College girl celebrated turning 19 (August 17th)

Added a four legged critter to the family (August 13th)

SEPTEMBER

Publicity for MaggieGrace (Sept 25th)

Made what seemed like 100's of altered composition books

Softball Princess increased my stress level quite a bit by hitting the road on her own (Sept 15th)

OCTOBER

Exhibited my first piece in a gallery show (Oct 21st)

The man at my Address celebrated his 53rd birthday (Oct 16th)

Some very good friends lost their child (Oct 14th)

NOVEMBER

MaggieGraceCreates was featured in a local paper (Nov 30)

The Art Market was a huge success (Nov 16th)

DECEMBER

I received my best Christmas gift ever (Dec 16th)

Posted a clipboard tutorial that has resulted in more publicity (Dec 10th)

********************************************************

And here we are reflecting on the past year and looking at fresh calendar pages. Again a year of laughter and tears, successes and frustrations, pain and elation. A year for Family and friends. I can see in looking back that our life is so very blessed, but that we have had many trials to contend with. I am choosing to focus on the blessings and learn from the tests.

My focus on making MaggieGraceCreates a more public identity has been successful. My health has improved dramatically. I have conquered many fears and taken many first steps.

2010 promises even more growth.

I'll be posting goals for the New Year in the next few days. No resolutions for me.

Have a wonderful day.

bits

That's Mama Norvan's tree. The Man at my Address and I decorated this for many many years before she passed away. It kept growing and growing and we kept adding and adding lights - eventually putting it on a separate electrical service. It was a tradition I hoped would never go away and yet it did when she died. He did it that last year and then no more. I have a red maple at my house and when it gets a little bigger, we will decorate it and REMEMBER.

I have been a little subdued for the last several weeks. I am pondering something that was said to me. Having a "come to Jesus meeting" with myself over my hurt feelings and not being very successful at letting this thing go. Not angry, not depressed, but hurt and my temper tantrum little girl reaction is not the right thing to do - at least I have not resorted to that.

On to brighter things. I share a ton of stories about myself, about my life and the things that happen. I share those stories here and in person. My friend Tanya remarked at BootCamp that the funniest things happen to me. Let me reassure you that I do not have "dibbs" on adventures and misadventures. Everything is about perspective. As I approach the end of an incredible year, I am reading my posts and REMEMBERING. I am remembering that it really was funny when the dog dropped a dead mole in the floor. I am remembering the pride I felt at know my daughter is part of a nationally ranked (academically) softball team. I am remembering what it felt like to cry through more than one workout as I am trying to undo years of inactivity. I am remembering the humiliation of puking on the side of the road after a particularly difficult workout. I am remembering the happy dances of success and the fears and prayers for loved ones.

I am a survivor. I looked hard things in the face and walked away with very little cynacism. I chose and choose every day to celebrate the tiniest bit of laughter. I realize the blessings of having a home I love - a family that loves one another - and the many friends that grace our path. I have a job that I love (well - most days). I have a church that feels like an extension of my home and family. I have the knowledge that I am a child of God and the grace and faith that come with that is central to my life. I have the knowing that even at my lowest and most challenging point I am not alone.

And yes - I have adventures and misadventures - and they are my stories. The stories are my life. Somedays that life is hilarious. Other days find us at the other end of the spectrum. But you know what. I am happy - I am content - I am comfortable with who I am - my life is a product of the decisions I have made and I cannot blame anyone else for that. So I choose to share the story.

hang on - this life is a wild ride - but I promise it is well worth it.

Look for it - you can find it if you really look - there are even blessings in what seem like the worst of times - and there are moments of serious laughter to be had on those good days. Share your story - write it down - then go back through it and see the blessings. You will be so glad you did.

Oh and by the way - a dead mole in the kitchen floor is FUNNY. The beer bottles on top of the TV cabinet - well they probably will still show up there as long as the Man at my Address is still there. And the cheap and homemade wooden nativity - that will be on the chest in front of the sofa - and if I have to explain it to you - you wouldn't understand.

REMEMBER - I am - and I am looking forward to a lot more living and sharing of my story.

How about you?

Merry Christmas.

Looks like Christmas

I don't "DO" politics here. I have my views, you have yours, they may differ, that is one of the wonderful things about the good old USA. We can agree to disagree and still everything is ok.

But I am gonna do FAITH. It is Christmas. Those trees are Christmas trees. The proper greeting in my world is Merry Christmas. I am not offended if your say Happy Holidays to me, but I will say Merry Christmas back. I have Jewish friends who celebrate Hanukkah. I tell them Happy Hannukkah - guess what - they do not put up a Christmas Tree - they have a beautiful Menorah that the family lights. They are not ashamed of their faith either - and they respect mine. Neither of our families hide behind the phrase Happy Holidays. Christmas at our house is a celebration of Christ's birth and includes the Bible story, nativity scenes, and services at our church. It is not just a "gimme prezzies" holiday. So here in MaggieGraceWorld we say Merry Christmas.

What triggered that "rant"?

The pendant I have on.


That's the back. Yes, that is glitter inside.

This is the front. A stamped manger. A symbolic representation of the Holy Family. When I came in this morning a customer pointed out that it wasn't "politically correct". This customer is a Christian, but works for a government agency, and is not allowed to express this view because he may offend someone. Okay people -- I can disagree with you. I respect that your belief may be different than mine on a lots of things, but I also expect the same respect from you. We are Americans, we live in a country that allows us to choose and express our beliefs. It is a good thing. It is one of those things I am most thankful for.

Done -- enough on that.

Last night was the Softball Princess banquet. A great celebration of a 27-4 season. A region championship and a state finalist postition. We were late getting home, but I still found myself in the studio, turning around in a circle, looking for something quick to do. You know that feeling. I gathered up a few bits that I had been acumulating. A crochet flower, a button and wire assy, some fabulous textured felt, floss, and a pin back. I assembled it into this........

A brooch. I took the felt and cut two circles. Cut a small circle of cardboard (cereal box flap) and created a stable pin back. Sewed on the flower. Glued on the button assembly. Voila ....... a gift for a friend - I'll take this to her tonight.

This is why I assemble trays for my projects. Those times when I want just a little something to do. All of this gathering and assembly took about 20 - 30 minutes, but I had crocheted the flower and stacked it in a bowl. I made the button assembly at another time and added it to that bowl. Add a few items from the stash and supplies and there we go. Creative urge satisfied just before bed. It is a good thing.

Speaking of quickie projects and gathering bits -- go look here for another project that makes my heart sing.

Merry Christmas.

Have a wonderful day.

Ponderings

Rock Creek Cemetery - mausoleum's stained glass window
Originally uploaded by tiz_herself

I brought this picture over from Flickr. Click on the link for the owners photostream. Isn't she gorgeous.

Often I find myself off on some tangent during the morning worship at church. I quickly reign that back in. That time is my time to really focus on renewing my spirit. Refilling my cup so to speak. There is no room for the grocery list, the to do list, what's for lunch, etc. I'm betting there are many of you who have this same confession.

Sunday was no different - the pastor's message was about the unexpected. About Mary accepting the unexpected blessing of an unplanned and very special baby. I focused intently during the message. I found myself wandering into the ponder pose during the song - Oh Little Town of Bethlehem.

We sang all of the verses. I have led children through this song 100's of times. I have participated in singing it myself probably thousands. (Amy Grant released a version years ago that is my favorite.) I actually did not even need the hymnal, because the entire song is familiar. But I was standing with the congregation, holding that hymnal, singing with a heart full of Thanksgiving, and suddenly words jumped from the page.

How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is given! So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of His heaven. No ear may hear Him coming, but in the world of sin, where meek souls will receive him still, the dear Christ enters in.

Silently - wondrous - gift. Receive. Words to ponder. I could not draw myself back off this tangent no matter how I tried. What am I supposed to get from this? Heard - sang - thousands of times - why this verse - why this line - why now? I am not that dense - I know there's a message there for me. Sunday afternoon found me in the studio pondering. Sunday night found me hanging banners - still pondering. Monday evening - run time - pondering. Last night - running time - still pondering but now praying - reveal my real message.

Silently given - was my answer. Then I knew. It is not about the gifts under the tree, shared with my beautiful family. Not about a meal shared among those we love. Not about the center of the services at the church. Not about teaching that Sunday school class. It is about nameless - silent - unnoticed (unless they are not there) acts of service. About slipping in and hanging the last two banners - and doing a few other things that were noticed as need to be done. About jotting down a little note to someone simply saying how they touched you but not signing it, because it doesn't matter who they think it came from.

I remember as a child thinking that the church got decorated by magic. Now as an adult, I know it actually is handled by angel power, silent service by a few. The beauty of the Christmas Cantata is supported by hours of individual - unknown to the world - practice in the car by the members of that choir. About all those tiny little things that people do as unexpected service for people.

Last night - LATE - as me and the Man at my Address hung those last two backdrops - I looked around and saw all of the massive paintings hanging on the gym walls. I saw hours of youth time painting - and I could hear those kids - chatting among themselves. I saw and heard parents and other volunteers - bringing snacks in - chaperoning events - donating for a kid who could not afford to participate. I remembered hours of alone time myself working to bring back a little Christmas Spirit into the rush that has become the Happy Holiday season. I came home to clean laundry that the Man does everyday. I looked two spots for something the College Girl put away differently than I would have. I listened as the Softball Princess text back and forth with a friend who needed her help on something. Silent service - giving with no expectation of recognition or return. It was and is all around me.

And I knew what I was supposed to get from these words. - My Salvation gift slipped in quietly - not in a pomp and circumstance public presentation. A quiet young woman - a confused man - some angels - and God - a few shepherds - and some kings. Just a small handful knew what was going on, but what was to be the biggest gift for humankind was happening. He won't be in a gift bag under the tree. You won't see him on a throne in the mall. He won't be touting the latest greatest toy for this year. Not on EBAY as that toy price goes through the roof. Not running from store to store to find "THE PERFECT GIFT THIS CHRISTMAS". No --- the Greatest gift this Christmas will be found in that small, still, center of my being. In those moments of prayer, praise and worship where I am focused on the True Gift of Christmas

Dear Lord - Thank you for the precious gift of my Salvation. Thank you for those before me and around me that have answered your call. Thank you for the unexpected blessings that occur when we say "yes" to you. Let me be one of those meek souls choosing to allow you in. The Dear Christ enter into all areas of my life. Allow me to complete those small (or big) acts of silent service that allow your Light to illuminate the lives of others. Help me to not complain that I have no help with this or that. Give me eyes to see opportunity for service and mens to answer those calls. In you precious name. Amen.

I know of some service needs already - I started the ball rolling last night to fulfill what I think is call to complete those service needs. Look - see - what can you do as an answer to an unexpected calling from your Saviour?

To all of you I star by saying Merry Christmas. For Christ really is what it is all about.

Have a wonderful day.