Frustration being resolved.

2010 was a hard year. I work in the construction industry. We all know how that's going even until now. I faced the CANCER demon head on, which resulted in some financial debt increase and some long term health issues that I'm still working through. Of course, I am fully aware of the blessings that also accompanied me through all that. But, I have been frustrated.

I chose ABUNDANCE for my word of the year. I am seriously focusing on what that means to me - IN MY CURRENT SITUATION. One thought that keeps working it's way to the front of my musings - "Teresa, why are you afraid to move ahead?"

I'm going through the series of tests that I'll will be subject to every 6 months for 5 years. Fear accompanies those tests. My facebook status from a day or so ago was that I wondered if there would ever be a day again that CANCER does not cross my mind.

Well, pondering has brought me to a point (several actually) of action. I've been holding my breath, waiting for the next thing. I have fallen prey to the negative form of "what if". Okay so

What if --- I push to do one more lap around the track - well, then my stamina is increasing and I can take a long walk to see the BEAUTY of nature provided by the Master himself. I will have more energy to get through the day. And a healthy body is much more able to handle surprises like last April tossed us.

What if - I write down three random things I am grateful for every day - well, then 45 days into that exercise, I will realize that the laughter of my Softball Princess is one of the most BEAUTIFUL sounds on earth.

What if - I choose to conciously give something (an act or an item) everyday and record that with my daily gratitudes - well, then I will find myself looking for opportunities to DO GOOD - one of the points of this past Sunday's sermon.

What if - I choose to pray for my family in a more specific manner than "Lord, bless my family, care for us, and keep us today." -- well then, prayers like "Lord, let me have a quality moment with each of my children today that I see Your hand in" will lead to phrases like "thank you Mom for helping me figure that out" and "sure me and Barefoot Boy would love to eat dinner with you and Dad."

What if - I choose to write down a tangible and reasonable goal for finishing a task today - well, then the Christmas decor may just make it back into attic storage before June - that was intended to be funny, but there really have been times that that is how long it took.

What if - looking for moments of ABUNDANT BEAUTY, ABUNDANT JOY, ABUNDANT BLESSING, ABUNDANT HAPPINESS, ABUNDANT LAUGHTER, ABUNDANT OPPORTUNITY became the way I approach each day. ------

WELL THEN - THERE IS NOT NEARLY AS MUCH ROOM FOR FEAR OR FRUSTRATION IN THOSE DAYS.

As I seriously focus on these words and the above actions, I can feel frustration and fear resolving themselves to a degree where I can move on and stop holding my breath. Turns out the blue shade my face takes on when I am holding my breath kinda makes me look dead - actually it makes me feel a little dead too.

I'm looking forward again. I'm moving ahead again. It's a good feeling.

I'm expecting moments where I fall backwards on this journey, but I already know that picking myself up and dusting off are abilities that I have. I also know that if I am struggling with that - I have friends who will help me along.

Now for some random things.

I make pecan pies...




I use the recipe off the label of this syrup -- KARO DARK CORN SYRUP.

You know the sticky sweet corn syrup concoction that makes so many things taste so wunnerful.

I bought a bottle on Sunday. I has this note on the label.........

HUH??????? how can Corn Syrup be zero grams of high fructose corn syrup....

Now that's the way my mind works.