I'm tired.
Fed up.
Tired of remembering ALL the details. (Missed a very important RSVP involving the college freshman).
Tired of worrying about every penny. The children ask for money - HE asks for money - I am not made of money people --------
Tired of making it look so freakin' easy. Wanting to scream because I am so frustrated all the time.
Tired of the reality that the only thing important to the other occupants in my house is what to eat and what time the next ball game / practice is. There are some other details in life folks and they need to be important to some body.
Hate that feeling of fear in the back of my throat. You know the one. What else can possibly go wrong? My truck left me stranded today at the store. His truck is DOA already. The car he is driving needs to go to the shop. And I have to go out of town this weekend.
I can't take a hot bath - the well does not have enough water.
I can't drink - HE polished off all the tequila.
I can't get in the truck and drive - wouldn't want him to have to rescue me off the side of the road.
So I did it. I gave in to the fatigue of being the mommy and the responsible party in this house.
I had a feminine emotional outburst. Yep - went to the studio and sat there and cried. Called LBF and whined. Nutted up.
WANTED - someone to notice that I am so much more than this. Someone to help me carry some of this. To feel like I am not so completely alone even when there are people in my house.
NEEDED - one long hot bath - a backrub - a drink - a vacation. Not one of those things is within my reach right now.
DAMMIT ----
OKAY - pity party over - I'll probably delete this anyway and we can go back to our regularly scheduled MaggieGrace goodness.
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6 comments:
And that is exactly why I spent money I didn't have and took time I couldn't take and went to the spa for a day. For real.
big, big hugs. I've been doing the same thing every night about 3-4 am. I get out of bed, go have a cry then when I'm calm enough to sleep I go back to bed. Doesn't help much, but I can't seem to stop. Is there anything I can do for you? I can't fix a car, though. Sorry ;-)
Oh, I am sorry. You do need a rest, a hot comforting bath and some receptive ears to listen and understand your feelings.
Take care, take some time for you. If I could, I would hold your hand and mix you a big drink and stomp my feet in support.
Sometimes I think when we try to be strong for our family/loved ones they just hand it all over. A little rebellion might be in order.
Hugs anyhow, that's about all the help I can offer from this far away.
Darla
hi I am sorry I send you a big hug you do many, many good things.. we all get worn out.. life is hard..and you are brave... as the motto on your blog says don't beat yourself up about the rsvp you done a lot all ready look at those two kids for proof
I think you are a rockstar! :)
Come to ATL and have a tequila vacay with me!
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