Holding prayer meeting over myself

Phrases we use at our house.

"Cold as a witches tit in a brass bra."

"Cold as a well diggers ass."

"Come to Jesus meeting"

"I got no tolerance for anybody's crap today."

"I need to hold prayer meeting over myself. "

Well I used all of those this weekend. It was cold cold where I was. So when I was able to be in and out of the cold - I made more of these. The color shows up much better here than in the last picture.



Slightly tedious to make - not difficult - keeping hands busy but not my mind. This allowed me to have that come to Jesus meeting and then hold prayer meeting over myself.

I consider myself loving and kind and focused. I love my children and I raised them to be sure of themselves and to make decisions and stand by them. So what the crap is going on here?

Reality --- here is my answer -

It is not about the choice she made. (Molly has decided to be baptized into the local congregation of the Mormon Church on Wednesday) We - Me, the Man at my Address, and the Softball Princess - will be there. I do not understand, but I will stand by her in the decision. If I have made an error in my wording, please correct me on this.

What I don't understand. Why this is changing. If Molly could give me one "real" reason, separate from her boyfriend, for this decision, I could move on. I am not convinced that her boyfriend is not the reason. I have been told that there are people who have talked to her at great length about this and they feel like she is doing this for the right reasons. Thus I am "hurt" that I was excluded from these opportunities to talk to her. For 18 years, she relied on my input before making decisions, I know her, I know her body language, I know when she won't look at me, that she is uncomfortable. These people don't "know" her and how to draw to the center of her - just what she really is thinking. But she is growing up - and I won't always be there - more than that - I will not be her primary sounding board anymore. This really is how it should be. I did my job. I gave her the confidence to move away from me and start life on her own.

So what now - I pray - nothing different than I have been. True confession here - when I got that 9 line text message, my very first thought was what am I gonna do to change her mind. Then very next decision that I made was - I am not going to try change her mind, I am only going to try and make sure she is making an informed decision. My prayers have always been that God lead and guide and protect her in all areas of her life - that prayer will not change now.

Support - I will try to understand the differences. She has chosen to adhere to certain diet restrictions that, until last night over a rude rude comment at dinner, I was unaware of. I will attempt to learn what I need to to make this an easier transition (thank you Raesha for agreeing to help me).

What I won't deal with. Disrespect towards me - dad - or sister. There was lots of that yesterday. Deception - do not tell me you will be one place - then leave the driveway going the opposite direction. (yes I was watching - remember - I know her and the body language gave it away) If you say you will be at the house to eat lunch - a little FYI - 4:30 in the afternoon is too late when mom got up and drove 5 hours to be home in time to have lunch with you. I pay for the cell phone, use it and let me know what is going on.



What's gonna happen - not real sure. I know that whatever it is - LOVE WILL HELP US FIND THE WAY. God's love and a parents love and a sisters love. That part won't go away.

I petition again. Lift her up. For all the decisions of her life, that she find the right answers and makes smart decisions.

Please note - I no way have I asked that anyone pray that she makes the decision that I would or that will always be in agreement with me. I needed support to get over being hurt. I found it. Now we move on to the next challenge put forth by children or spouses.

I have peace about all of it finally.

After a week of challenges - A day of being angry and being physically tired - I went to the grocery store and my truck left me stranded for the third time in three weeks (brand new battery but dead all the same). The meltdown in the parking lot at BiLo was a true site to behold. Leaving me sobbing on the phone to my mother and threatening to run away (the true final straw). I seriously considered sending the following text to the Man, the Softball Princess, and the College Freshman.

"I hereby resign from being your wife and mother. If I was sure my vehicle would make it, you could look for me with my toes in the water and my butt on the sand. " Guess what - when you type it into your phone - 9 lines exactly.

Things are looking up --- have a great day.