Sometimes, when you're feeling your lowest, teresa, the real you is summoned.
And you understand, maybe for the first time ever, how grand you are, because you discover that vulnerable doesn't mean powerless, scared doesn't mean lacking in beauty, and uncertainty doesn't mean that you're lost.
These realizations alone will set you on a journey that will take you far beyond what you used to think of as extraordinary.
There is always a bright side.
Don't disguise your tears, teresa, don't hide your sadness, don't be afraid to find out who you really are. Because in those fleeting moments you'll summon such beauty and strength that, in no time at all, you'll fully grasp exactly why you're so gossiped about here in the unseen.
The Universe

These words sure would have been helpful in years past, especially that bold line. The years after my cancer diagnosis were growth years and they are years that I do not regret. Many personal challenges have resulted in me wearing very few masks. I do however find myself helping others put their masks on.

Wow - that last sentence even freaks me out to read it. As a mom, I have tried to teach my girls to be strong, to not show too much public weakness, and I still think that is the right approach to take. Too many people will capitalize on weakness, and use that and your fears against you. The trick is to be honest with yourself and allow the real feelings out with those you find to be trustworthy.

As a wife, I help to hide true shortfallings of my spouse from the public. Although the illustration I like to use for this is not my own. Miss Jane at church suffers from macular degeneration. She is almost blind now. Her husband - Mr Buddy - does this for her, protects her from the embarrassment of not knowing who she is speaking to. As we approach, he always calls out a "hello, Teresa, how are you?" letting her know who is coming to speak to her. Out of true love, he protects her from the sight loss she has suffered.

There are so many ways we do this and not all of them are bad things.

The bad masks that we put on are the ones that cause us to push away true help, true love, true support from those closest to us. The ones that build huge walls around our caring places. I broke down another of those this Thanksgiving Holiday. When my Dad died, I dealt with anorexia. I wanted to control something in an out of control time and I could control food.

There are a few people who know all of the story, but only a very few. My breakthrough the other day, has already helped someone. A person suffering through these first holidays after losing a loved one was crying on my shoulder and commented, "when you lost your dad, you managed to keep it all together so well, why can't I get it together." In a moment of complete honesty, I blurted out, "I almost starved myself to death - I wasn't okay then and I wasn't okay for many years after that." Instead of destroying the image she had of me, this gave her the strength she needed to get through Thursday. Why - because I really am okay now - and the strength of those experiences lets me know that I am so much more capable now than I was then to handle almost any circumstance - and she recognized that. Then on Thursday - I helped her put that mask of "OKAY" on and get through the day. Eventually she won't need the mask because we can help her get back to OKAY for real. Not thinking that's a bad thing - are you.

It is okay to find out what you are made of. Be honest with yourself and those you can trust. Then let them help you with the masks if you need to - until you are ready to take them off cause you do not need them any more.

Okay deep enough. Lets get to fun stuff.

Mama Norvan's tree. A beacon at every Christmas from the very beginning of my inclusion in the family. Only Charles and I could do this correctly - according to her. (Ann can verify that statement) It started as a small project but quickly grew to have its own disconnect, because there were so many lights. We always waited until Thanksgiving or later to do this and we always worked on it in the dark. We loved doing this for her.

A fun story. It was cold cold cold one year while we worked on this. At some point during the night, Charles lost his wedding ring - seems the cold had caused it to be loose on his finger. We searched and searched, Mama Norvan searched, but no luck - so we gave up on it and a couple of years later, I bought another wedding band for him. The summer after the new ring was purchased, Mama Norvan was cutting flowers from the flower bed out front for the table in the kitchen. As she sat down at the table she noticed something strange about one of the flowers. On closer inspection, the strange part of the flower was that there was a gold wedding band around the stem just beneath the bloom. How is that for serindipity? Now the Man has two.

This really pretty cluster of berries was hanging into view at Grandmother's side window on Thursday. Since I started blogging, I look for these things everywhere. Just thought I would share this one with you.

Now this last picture features a discovery that I made after deciding to "play" over at www.picnik.com with a picture I took at the cemetary. We got rain for the Thanksgiving holiday. This was after the rain, but I noticed the droplets clinging to the grass blades. (See above paragraph about photos)

When I cropped and enlarged this, I found that the droplets form a pretty little row of hearts. Cool huh!!!! Love those kinds of love notes.



I just had one of my favorite customers here. She is so creative and such an inspiration. Her home features a sewing studio and we are already planning a retreat for her new home after she completes it. A grown-up girl play date - yummmmy.

Have a great day everyone.