E M E R G E

I hope she isn't too upset about the preview of these pages.

This is the page that started it all. The 3d collage thing in the journal. I dreamed this page over and over in various forms. I stacked this page. I moved this page around. I couldn't quite get it right. I knew what I wanted to represent. I was anorexic for many years following my dad's accidental death. Had children - attained a healthy weight - then diagnosed with cancer. I now struggle with being over weight. (a direct result of prevention drugs)

I have now reached the 10 year mark and after my surgery will becoming off all hormonal drugs. I feel the stirring in me to become healthy mentally and physically.

I wanted this to represent all people. To encourage them to emerge from whatever darkness is enveloping them. I used the butterfly as that symbol. I have only managed to capture a catapillar and see the entire process once. We found a huge and ugly one in the back yard. I brought it in and put it in a pickle jar. We brought fresh leaves every day until it started wrappng itself into the cocoon. I am sure we could have looked up the kind it was, but that never crossed my mind. We chose to wait for the surprise. As luck would have it, I was awake and working on something when it started to emerge. I woke everyone up and we watched this stunning luna moth break out of that cocoon then plump its wings and prepare to fly. We immediately let it go into the night. But we all were aware of the miracle that we had just seen. This ugly bug - sorry but I hate creepy crawlies - had become a gorgeous creature.

That's what this page had to say. No matter what the darkness helps you hide, once you choose the right time to emerge, you will be beautiful. So break open the cocoon and get out there. The world needs your beauty. Everyone is different. Every message special. The world needs all the beauty we can throw at it.

Did anyone watch Crazy Sexy Cancer last night? Did the messages from Kris resonate in your soul? The black lady hit me with her phrase - I am spending time trying to be alright and I am not alright. Once again I was hiding behind a mask with most people - faking it - this phrase struck me profoundly and once again reminds me not to hide. Not with you - not at all. When I was listening to her story, she also said she showed up to work. She showed up everyday and that is how she wrote those plays. So that's what I will do - I'll show up. And I'll keep fighting my way out of the cocoon and at some point I'll be ready to plump up my wings and fly. I have faith that the next part of this journey will be different.

Did I get the message right in the art?