Thursday, August 12, 2010

A doctors excuse????

The picture has not one thing to do with the post. Just a shot of the way Softball Princess chose to display/store bouncy balls. What is it about a gumball machine that is so danged hard to resist?

I am a survivor. A two-time cancer survivor. I have had multiple surgeries. I recovered nicely from each and every one. I am recovering nicely from this one. But....

This has been different. A twelve in gash across my abdominal wall muscles, the main trunk muscles so to speak, came with serious limitations for what now seems like an unbelievable amount of time. It also came with limitations on other things (mostly because of losing the kidney). Alcohol - not a big deal at all. I love tequila, but the kind I drink is way expensive and therefore not drinking tequila, more like sipping. So we moved through that easy peasy. Next - no Advil or other Ibuprophen based medications - this was a little more challenging - I am not a huge fan of Tylenol (acetaminphen?) - thought it didn't work as well. But I am adapting. And mentioned casually, but turning out to be one of the most difficult - no ASPERTAME. You know it comes in diet stuff - AKA the diet Dr. Pepper that I love. You know to look there for it. But grab yourself a random assortment of chewing gum at the checkout - I haven't found a single one that did not have the beloved artificial sweetener in it. I have read so many labels in the last 4 months.

And exercise. Been on a weight restriction since the surgery. Can't lift more than 10 pounds. No abdominal work. Nothing that postionally stressed the incision at all. Don't want to herniate that incision.

In my brain - I allowed myself a coke (or two or three) to slide back into my diet. Then came fast foods. Then the damned fatigue. I have used all these Doctor's limitations to become the "excuses" for backsliding on my quest for better fitness. (Well the fatigue is very very real).

Well my friend Leandra is starting bootcamp tonight. 98 degrees is the expected high this afternoon. I have been thinking all week about this. I crashed with the fatigue last Saturday, doing what --- sitting on my ass in a chair at the softball field drinking a coke and eating potato chips.

Any body here remember what I think excuses are - they are "lies we tell ourselves". Well there you go - if I am going to crash doing nothing, I just as well give my body a reason to crash. So tonight, when Leandra starts bootcamp, I am going to start over at bootcamp. I won't do sit ups. I wont do pushups. I will do leg work. I will do cardio. I will most likely cuss under my breath. I will grunt. I will sweat. I will smell. I will survive -

I dread it - with every cell in my body. I know how hard building back up is going to be. I am hydrating as we speak. And having one of those all day long prayer sessions over me that goes like this "God - please don't let me puke. Or pass out." I also brought my weight watchers planning guides with me to study over lunch and while I wait at the hospital today (chest XRAY).

Time to silence the EXCUSES - even those that were condoned by the Doctors.

My mental state has not been that great. I have allowed the Pity party for myself to go on long enough.

On August 24th - I meet with the doctors. I have a list of questions that are much more targeted than he is expecting.

The Reindeer Run is a local 5k - held in December. I want to be there. I want that person back. I want to be healthy physically and mentally. April 9 - is etched in my brain - CANCER AGAIN - April 16 is etched on my body - LOST KIDNEY. Two damn days in a life full of lots more days. Can't let two days ruin everything now - CAN I?

Help me - keep me honest. I am not afraid of the work it takes. I am afraid of the frustration that may occur as I do this - AGAIN.

Happily today - I am enjoying my still beautiful life.

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