Friday, April 27, 2007

Prom Time is next weekend

Somewhere out in blogland, a challenge has been issued. Find photos of yourself some 20 years ago. Vallen already did hers. I decided to put mine into a post about prom. This photo is from spring 1983. Right before we left my mom's house to go to my senior prom. Yes- you see correctly, we wore matching tuxedos. In Georgia Bulldogs colors - of course. Chose to do this because it was different. Had an absolute blast. I was comfortable, not chasing a dress strap, holding up the tail of the dress, and I wore almost flat shoes. We both carried canes and wore top hats too. I know "over the top." Somewhere there is a photo of Charles standing in a pose and holding a beer (he is 9 years older than I am) - in the picture, he looks like the store window mannequins.
I was tiny in these pictures. Almost a size zero. My Dad had been dead for a couple of years and I was still not eating. I lived on a coke and a snicker bar each day. Anorexia -it was my reaction to stress. I could control what I ate. Those years were the beginning of so many years of food related issues. My Mom was immersed in her own grief and did not really notice. I look very pale and fragile in this picture. I was both of those things. Now some 24 years later, I am so aware of the effects stress has on me and I try really hard to react differently.
Molly is going to prom on May 5th. She is so excited. We have the dress. The hair and nail appointment. A location for pictures has been chosen. She is going to do her own makeup at a friendly gathering. I meet the florist tomorrow to order the flowers. The group has reservations at a local restaurant. They are planning to go glow-in-the-dark putt-putt golfing afterwards. I am both thrilled for her and terrified for me. She is basically grown and it will be no time before she will be leaving for college.
In the back of my mind, that transition is there. What will I do with the extra time? I know we will still have Abby, but I know how quickly all of this time flies. Then I will be alone with my thoughts. What will I do with the silence? There will be silence, because the man at my address has no communication desires at all. If it is not about sports, softball in particular, he is not interested. I find so much more about life to be excited about. And so we are on very different paths. Where will these paths lead? I know- deep thoughts for a Friday.
These thoughts are a huge part of my self imposed pressures for finishing the studio. There may be silence in there, but it will be filled with inspiration, and the silence in that environment is a catalyst for creation. I am excited about some decisions on the studio this week. I have windows ready to install. The storage cabinet/work surface materials announced themselves this week. I will be topping the cabinet with painted mdf and then adding buttons and scrapbook papers to the top encased in envirotex. The cabinet sits there all scrubbed and ready for paint. Maybe, since there is no ball this weekend, we can squeeze in some work time.
MaryAnn - thanks so much for the book mark and card yesterday. There are some huge issues going on in my life right now and I so appreciate your kind words in the mail yesterday. As I work through this, some of it will slip into MaggieGrace at times. I am choosing to remain positive though. You are right though, it will probably never be used as a bookmark, it will find some other purpose, I'm sure. Right now, it is hanging on my closet door knob. I can see it as quick as I wake up and be reminded to choose positive today. Thanks again.
The CIP postings have begun for April. I have two completed projects myself to post, so I am so excited about that. I am also starting the package for the next snail mail goodies.
If I had know what the life I was choosing 20+ years ago was going to bring me, would I do it all again? Oh yes, those two beautiful girls are worth every challenge I have endured. Would I make different choices, oh yes, about some things. Will I make different choices in the future, oh yes, I will be much more careful about my heart from now on.
Have a wonderful weekend.
ps. I have deleted an anonymous comment. While I appreciate advice and adore comments, I want to know who is leaving them. If you must sign in as anonymous, please leave a name and contact in the body of your comment. For those who wonder what the comment was, it was a link to a photo site offering optimization to improve the quality of the photos use here. The photo on this post was taken with an old 110 aim and shoot camera, not too much you can do with that. -- Teresa


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Laura said...

I cannot believe you wore a tux to prom! Wish I'd thought of that for my prom. Spring of '83, huh? It was a good year. :)

If ever you need a time-filler or some noise, let me know. I hate that silence. How is it that some of the loudest (and I mean loud in a good way - I'm one of them!) people end up with the quietest ones? Love you!

Vallen said...

I love that you wore a tux to prom - what a great idea. I know you will miss the girls when they are off on their own but think of the time you can spend in that then-completed studio. Put in a computer with phone and camera and you and I can while away the hours chatting as if we were in the same state..

MaryAnn said...

First, you're quite welcome. I think of you often my sweet friend! Second, being a size zero is TOTALLY overrated. Third, I cannot believe your baby is off to prom. The thought of boys in the near future makes me severely nauseous. Really. Ugh.