Friday, January 26, 2007

Anger - Volatile - Explosive

I spoke to Tracey this morning. Seems Mother decided she just wasn't up to her therapy appointments today and called and canceled them. She just wants to stay in bed and wallow in the self pity she feels. I my lovely friends am pissed.

I am tired.
I am frustrated.
I want my old life back.
You know
the one that had a routine to it.
I drive that extra 50 minutes to help with housework.
I drive that extra to make sure she is all right.
I spend the extra time changing the bed.
Doing laundry.
Dammit - making sure she can open the pickle jar.
And she just doesn't feel like doing it today.

I understand the frustration.
I have already been pushed to - and beyond some points
I never thought I could deal with.
I have learned of my strength.
I am learning to bite my tongue.
And while I cannot imagine where she is...
She will not get better if she runs away.

I am carrying so much anger.
At this situation and others.
The kind of anger that you can feel
Boiling just beneath the surface.
Like a volcano waiting to erupt.
Using every tool I have to try and calm it down.
Yet fully aware that the smallest thing
Can break open the crust
And allow the sudden release.

I know myself well enough
To pity those in the path
When it occurs.

Hope it will be some idiot driver who cuts me off at the red light!!!!!!

Sorry to spill this here. I needed to vent some of this steam.

I hope your day is going better than mine.


Anonymous said...

Hey there Southern friend! Any friend of Vallen's is a FRIEND of mine! ha! Thanks for visiting me..BTW:I had one of those days today myself!..obviously..still having one as blogger will not let me sign in...PAM ARIES at ART and Soul!

MaryAnn said...

BIG DEEP BREATH. Remember that not everyone is quite as fiesty as you:) Sending patience and unconditional love to you...

Libbys Blog said...

I also came from Vallens blog!! I obviously don' know how your family works but having read your blog I wondered if your mom was used to crafting, crocheting or her own independence of going out etc that because she now has to rely so much on family, that she could be depressed!!
My thought are with you at this difficult time.
Libby x

jen b said...

Please don't apologize for airing your frustration here. This place is yours, if someone doesn't like it they don't have to read. I won't pretend to know what you are going through because I don't but I too have felt this way. It is not fun, it is not pretty. I deal with it by putting on my running shoes and running as fast as I can. (I hate running by the way) Hang in there friend!