Monday, January 22, 2007

Thank you all

Thank you for your prayers. For the emails of encouragement. For supporting us through this. Mom has made progress. But we still have more rehab and things to figure out.

The two photos are of some more ATC. All made from junk mail. I think the one with the vases is my favorite of these two. I called it "Waiting for the Gardener". Seems to be where I am right now. I feel like I am being pruned and mulched and composted. I wonder what the outcome of this will be and I am impatient in the wondering. Am I to be the flower, raising my blooms for the sun to see? Am I to be the dirt, sending nutrients to those who will flower above me? Am I to be the vessel, holding temporarily the beauty brought in from the garden? Am I to be the sun, the water, the atmosphere bringing all those life giving things to those? Will I recognize my label when it is given to me?

I am struggling with the emotions of seeing my mother's frailty. Of realizing that I may someday have to go one with my life alone. It seems that Mom was given a warning to take better care of herself. My warning seems bigger, more ominous, my warning seems to be about learning to go on without her. I know that this is a natural progression, but as long as she was "whole" I was able to push those ideas into the back of my brain. Now they are there, front and center, forcing themselves into my thought processes continually. There are still things I need to make right with her. There are things she needs to make right with me. The whole thing has unleashed some demons I thought were thoroughly caged. Fears. Apprehension. And the knowledge that again, I have faced the damn devil somewhat alone.

Mother continues to improve. And that is the blessing I need right now. All of you are beautiful. And I appreciate you prayers and support. That too is a blessing to me. I am amazed by this little cyber circle. I wish you all were near to me. I would give you all a hug and a huge thank you. And Jen, I might even let you help with the laundry.

Have a wonderful day.


Vallen said...

If Jen does the laundry then I'll cook.

Roxanne said...

I love all your ATCs! They inspire me to actual make something, instead of just thinking about it! Glad to here your mom is improving. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you... I almost think my parent's mortality is harder to accept than my own. I'll keep praying! Take care :)

MaryAnn said...

And if Vallen cooks, then I'll vacuum. Even though I hate to vacuum. But, for you, I will do it. I'm that determined. hee hee!

Vallen said...

Well, then we've got your home life all organized. I'm tagging you Miss T. Check my blog. Then check Mary Ann's because teacher lady put the rules up. I forgot that part.

jen b said...

Tide or Cheer, Downey or Snuggle my dear lady. Wish I could really make good on my promise. Glad to hear your mom is making strides. I can't imagine all the emotions this brings. We are here, routing for you.